Two weeks later

And here we are two weeks later and it feels like he’s always been with us.

 

We really hit the ground running, with an eventful week leading up to the birth, and there’s still a lot happening. The due date came and went…I spent some of the day out with Sam trying to distract myself from the fact that I was still pregnant.

 The Friday was Emma’s birthday and we spent the day at the pools with cousins and Uncle, and finished off with cheesecake. The following day she was treated to see the Russian ballet perform Swan Lake and went to that with her Aunty and cousin. I wished I could have joined them, but as it turns out I went into labour late that night so rather glad I didn’t. Especially since it was in Tanunda, about an hour or more drive away.

So this brings us to the early hours of Sunday morning. In labour –  contractions are sore enough not to sleep anymore, but not so bad I couldn’t take bad self portraits.

At 6am he was born with my family there and my excellent Gaskin-esque midwife offering support from the sidelines.(Ina May Gaskin is a new hero of mine – I will be telling every pregnant woman I know to read/watch as much of her material as possible) Doug delivered him straight into my arms and all was well. I have difficulty already remembering the pain, except that I do know that it was really really painful. For those interested in such things, like Ryan (my third born), he was a star gazer, meaning that although he was head down, he was facing the front which is the opposite to the ideal. In my experience it’s a more painful second stage, and the pain feels more scary or out of control and I’m really grateful for the encouragement and support of Doug and the midwives.

About an hour later and we were tucked up in bed where the two of us stayed for the rest of the day and most of the next two.

Two days later Ben’s birthday. He spent the day sliding down hills on ice blocks with the home schooling crowd, had Hungry Jacks for lunch and again, finished off with cheesecake at home. He had a party on Sunday at ten pin bowling.

Sunday night heralded the start of a gastro that swept through most of our family. Fortunately Joel and I escaped and didn’t get sick. but everyone else had their turn over a period of 48 hours, one night we had two boys taking turns vomiting through the night interspersed only by a baby waking for feeds. Wow, that was a fun way to spend the wee hours.

It left as quickly as it started though and by Tuesday we were all back on track, just in time for Doug to start work – an orientation day. My first day with all 5 children by myself, and by then we were all suffering a severe case of cabin fever. For me it was 9 days straight inside the house. So we headed out to the playground, Joel’s first outing at the park. It was a really hot day, the older kids played under the sprinklers at the playground and begged to swim at the beach, but I wasn’t quite ready to deal with 4 wet kids and a car full of sand.

Since then we’ve been busy with ballet rehearsals for Emma’s end of year show, and some children have been getting messy with food.

And what else?  Making the most of every moment and trying to savour these newborn things that don’t last very long at all – like fuzzy hair and brand new feet that have never been used.

As predicted, the baby did arrive

Here he is. Meet Joel. He arrived on the 11th November, at home with my family and with the help of an excellent midwife. He weighed 9lb 3oz, or 4.1kg. It’s so good to finally hold him, and we are all so happy.

The build up to labour

It’s a sunny 29 degrees here in Adelaide today. Ryan is outside playing in the sprinkler, something that we used to do as kids and is a novelty for our children. I don’t recall ever having to water the lawn in New Zealand. Here already the grasses are looking dry and we haven’t even hit summer yet.

Due to the warmer temperature and the imminent due date of this baby, I am rather puffy. My ankles disappear on hot days and my toes are like little sausages. In addition to this minor complaint, I have felt a steady and powerful build up of anticipation and  hormones. It feels a bit like the build up to a monsoon. Each day gets more intense, but you’re never sure if you’re right on the brink or if you still have days or weeks to go. Not my favourite experience. Anyway, I have compiled a list of things that every day become more evident as the birth approaches. Here’s hoping labour is just around the corner.

 

Insomnia

As evening approaches, I feel increasingly tired. I get ready for bed as usual, wind down with a book, tuck in to sleep and then it begins. Overwhelming and persistent restlessness.

It starts with wriggling to try to get comfortable with the gargantuan baby bump in the way. There are only two sleeping positions remaining. Left side or right side. Right side is generally out because I have the increasing need for feeling space in front of me and the claustrophobia of facing the middle of the bed forces me back onto my left side.

Then I get hot feet, so I stick them out the side. Then my legs get cold. Then I get restless leg syndrome and simply can’t keep still. Then inevitably, the baby starts wriggling uncomfortably. Or I get heart burn. Or thirsty. Or need to pee. And so it goes on. I get up and try all manner of things. Have a drink, go to the toilet, change clothes, have a shower, read a book, listen to music. It doesn’t seem to matter what I do, nothing settles me. It seems as though my body is simply determined and it WILL NOT SLEEP until the clock ticks around to approximately 1am.

Last night it was 1:45am…I climbed back into bed after a middle of the night shower and finally drifted off to sleep. This of course is all perfect preparation for the nights when I’ll be up with a baby who also simply WILL NOT SLEEP.

The Belly. How I see it.

Mood swings

One minute I’m feeling happy, energetic, motivated and positive about the birth. Then a family member happens to leave crumbs on the counter, or drips water on the clean floor, or leaves toys scattered about under my feet then beware of Hulk Mum. Screeching scoldings follow, and rants about having ‘Just cleaned this house!’ and “FIVE minutes! Can’t it just stay tidy for FIVE minutes?!” The tone of voice is piercingly unpleasant and whiney, the facial expression is dark and scary. 

Hell hath no fury.

But wait…only a few moments after the Hulk attack, scary Mum dissolves into a puddle of tears and slumps down on a chair and weeps out apologies for the rage. I feel like a terrible mother and wonder what I am doing with all these children and how on earth I am going to cope with another. I sniffle away for a while. The children are getting used to it and offer hugs or just quietly walk past and tell their Dad matter-of-factly “When I walked past Mum she was crying”. Which leads me to the next two.

 

Weeping

I think I have cried every day for the last 7-10 days. Under normal circumstances, I’m not a frequent crier. But wow. Various things can set me off at the moment.

At our trip to the beach last weekend, I cried because I wanted to swim, but it was a bit cold for me, so I cried in the hot sun for about 25 minutes at my own pathetic-ness.

The other day I cried because Ben was catching flies with his bare hands, and put one it a jar. It died and spawned all it’s disgusting little larvae out into the jar and the kids showed me. I cried because it was repulsive to me “Get it out! Get it out of the house, it’s disgusting!” I said as I burst into tears at the sheer yuckiness.

I cry when I realise how moody and difficult I am and how kind my husband and family are to put up with me so patiently.

I cry when I feel overwhelmed at all the things that are on over the next 2 months. Birthday (four of them), end of year events, Christmas, and of course a birth.

And when it all gets too much, I cry because I’m so tired of crying all the time. Yes. I know.

 

Nesting

Today I woke up feeling tired from lack of sleep, and could quite happily have spent the day in bed. However, around mid-morning, an overwhelming desire to have a clean and tidy house came over me and I found myself cleaning, sorting and tidying obsessively. Again, under normal circumstance, while I like clean and tidy, I’m not a clean freak. Today however, I want to rid my house of every grain of dirt, every dust bunny under the beds, and every grubby mark on the walls. I’ve wiped and swept and tidied random items away. I couldn’t wait a moment longer, and set up the birth pool, laid out towels and sheets and blankets and prepared baby clothes. The family are all well aware that the house has to stay tidy at all times because (and I quote Hulk Mum verbatim) :

“The labour will only start when everything is ready, so the house has to stay tidy all the time or the baby will NEVER come!”

And Hulk Mum believes that implicitly.

 

Tricky imposter contractions and twinges

By this I mean any of the following sneaky little things that make you feel like labour might actually be starting.

• Braxton Hicks contractions
• Sharp jabs and pains in the cervix (sorry)
• Lower back ache

These come and make themselves known, and just when you start to have a flicker of hope that Operation Deliver Baby is “Go for Launch” they all stop immediately and snicker away delighted that they have fooled you yet again. It’s worse now that it’s my 5th pregnancy and those sneaky little buggers STILL get me. Every. Single. Time.

Preoccupation with labour

Bet you can’t guess what I’m thinking about?

99% of the time I am thinking about the birth. The baby. The labour. The signs of labour.

Is everything ready? Will everything go smoothly? What time will it all happen? Will the children be good and happy throughout? Will the baby be in a good position? Will I bleed to death? Will I cope with the pain? Will the baby be normal? Will the midwife respect my wishes? Will I freak out or have a Hulk Mum attack during the labour? Will I ever go into labour? Will I be pregnant forever? Will the baby be ok? Will I deliver naturally? Is that a contraction I am feeling? Is it going to be today?

Etc. etc. ad nauseum.

Hence this post.

 

So who knows? It could be today, tomorrow or next week. These bizarre behaviours will continue to increase (God help us) and the intensity will build and build and I will cry and tantrum. But then suddenly it will be all happening and then it will be over and I’ll come back here all serene and euphoric and maternal, and tell you all about it.

Our baby boy has arrived.

OK so he’s two weeks old now and I’m only just getting around to posting this. It’s rather busy with four! AND, it’s just cut and pasted from an email to a friend, the height of laziness..not even going to write it properly. Just gotta get it down before I forget. I feel so lucky that his birth was the very experience I had hoped for. Unassisted in the end because it all went a little faster than expected towards the end.

So our fourth child is here…Born at home two days before due date but I was well and truly ready! I’d had pre-labour like contractions 4 days earlier and had experienced two days of being very hormonal and emotional and blue. Too many tears…oh my poor husband!
Contractions started gently at around 5-6pm ish? They were short and not too bad. I was still doing stuff around the house and sorting kids etc. By 6pm I knew it would continue on to full labour so I texted Jodi to let her know I was having early contractions.
7-8pm Spent on the phone to my mum and sister in law in Australia and could talk through the contractions which were about 3-4 minutes apart but not long…30 seconds long i guess, which normally is early labour and not really strong enough to dilate the cervix.
8-9pm spent the time settling the children and setting up the lounge with D….candles, music, all tidy and neat, pool and towels and everything ready. Contractions getting really sore now but I was still able to move around between….would just stop and lean or rock as the pain came.
9pm I layed down to rest on the couch thinking that we still had hours to go So I should rest. Had three contractions all after each other …very very sore. Made me panic a bit so we called Jodi just in case and she started making her way. She stopped at the shop and bought piles of goodies for us and the kids and arrived at about 9:30. I’d got in the pool by then and things had eased a bit. The water was so nice. I had to focus when having contractions but could talk and smile in between. Some were longer by then 40 or 50 seconds, but we were kind of waiting for the 60 second ones.
At around 10pm I had a few that made me feel ‘pushy’ but I knew I wasn’t ready to push…just felt grunty if you know what I mean.
Then suddenly at 10:20pm I felt like I’d pooped in the pool. It was so funny (not at the time!) I’m going “Oh no I just poo’ed! I’m so sorry oh no…..it was diarrhoea! oh no” and D and Jodi are saying “relax, it’s ok there’s nothing there” Jodi helped me get my togs off and all was fine….no poop hahahha. It was so sore though……I could feel baby coming down. I was on my knees.
So, there was a quick flurry of activity as we realised we were at the end and we hadn’t even thought to call the midwife yet. D called and found out she was in Pukekohe (30 mins away) so I didn’t try to rush anything but just let my body do the work.
I sat back and oh , it hurts so much, but baby came slowly little by little and then could reach down and feel his head and I kept my hand there and then D got in the pool too and as his head came D’s hands were ready. As his head came out his whole body with a rush. D pulled him up out of the water and put him on my chest. He cried right away and everything was fine…

I have watched the birth video over and over again. I feel so lucky to have had this experience.

Excellent Article About Birth

Just read this article called:

Honouring Body Wisdom

  by Pamela Hines – Powell from Midwifery Today.com  about birth and the midwife’s role in preventing (or not) tears to the perineum.  If you’re pregnant or plan to be, it’s definitely worth a read.

Check this amazing design feature

Am I the last person on earth to know that a baby can find the breast all by itself? Or is it a little known fact. How far has modern birth practise come from the natural and brilliantly designed way? I remember when I had my first and second children, there was such a rush for the midwifes and doctors to check them (they were pink and breathing and crying so i have no idea why the hurry for a medical examination!?) that by the time I got to really hold and bond with them they were fully dressed and swaddled tightly in a blanket. I didn’t get to marvel at their perfect little bodies until the next day.

For this my fourth baby I am determined to do things on my terms. I want to hold my baby until we are ready for him to be dressed. Nothing is warmer than skin on skin anyway, so why the rush?? I want to feed my baby when and for as long as I want to. And not celebrating the first feed with my newborn while having my nether regions stitched up by a midwife in a hurry to get on with her day.

I will let nature expel the placenta when my body is ready and will not have the cord pulled on so that it feels like my insides are going to come out. Flip….why does medicine make birth so flipping complicated! No wonder people are nervous about birth!

I have so much more to say on this subject. I’ll probably be back.

New Midwife!

I have a lovely new midwife. I met her yesterday and I am so relieved. She is quite happy to take a hands off approach to the birth if all is well. Sigh…an issue resolved. Looking forward to a lovely home birth of this little boy. I feel so lucky.

On Birth

WARNING: I tried, but couldn’t cut a long story short. This is the long version. Also be aware that I am whinging and grumbling about somewhat insignificant things in the grand scheme of things and that while I usually try not to sweat the small stuff, right now I am a pregnant woman! Don’t mess with me!

Just returned from a midwife appointment this morning and feeling a little unsettled about how things are going. But first a bit of background.

Here in NZ expectant mothers choose a Lead Maternity Carer who takes care of them during the pregnancy, delivers the baby and also provides post-natal care. For the majority of women, a midwife takes the role of the LMC. There are a few GP’s who still deliver, but not many. For women with high risk pregnancies, or medical conditions they may choose an obstetrician to be their LMC. (Actually anyone can if you’re willing to pay for it….the government only pays for an Ob. if you need one.) All maternity care in the public system in NZ is free, including all the pre- and post-natal care, the delivery, and hospital stay.

Anyway….so I have a new midwife this time around. I was pretty happy with the midwife who delivered R2, but felt like she was a hospital midwife who delivered at home sometimes, and there were some aspects that felt rushed, and not as relaxed as I’d have liked. Maybe I’m being a bit picky, but this time I thought I would choose a midwife who prefers home birth deliveries, and has a home birth philosophy.

On the recommendation of a good friend, I phoned the lady who had delivered her last two children at home. I remember her saying “You’d like Debbie, when she came to our births, you hardly knew she was there” and that’s just what I wanted. Someone who was there in case we needed help, but not interfering or making a fuss. Unfortunatlely when I phoned I found out that the lovely Debbie is away overseas until mid January when I’m due, so I made an appointment with another midwife at the same practice.

To protect her identity, (because I’m about to have a rant about her hehehe) let’s call her A. I’ve seen her three times now. Once at 9 weeks pregnant, once at 15 weeks and now today at 21 weeks. At the very first appointment I raised with her that I had some questions surrounding the due date because an early scan caused some confusion and there seemed to be a discrepancy. I know that the best time to date a pregnancy is early so I raised it then in case she wanted to get another dating scan done to be sure. But, she told me that we should go by my dates (which were not certain but pretty sure as my cycles are regular) and that she didn’t place much too much credit on ultrasound scans. That was fine with me because I was sure they’d made a mistake. (It was impossible that first scan should say 5 weeks and second scan 18 days later showed 6weeks 4 days….the baby was/is fine, so one of the scans was clearly not accurate. I reckon it was the second one (which showed a heartbeat) and it was so quick….literally on the table for about 30 seconds and all round bad service – But that is another story!) We decided on an estimated date of delivery (EDD) of 17/1/10, based on my dates.

Anyway, all was fine and then I saw her again at 15 weeks and the first thing she said to be was “Now, I have received an ultrasound report for you and I have some concern about your due date.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after that was the exact issue we had discussed at our previous appointment and she said she wasn’t too concerned about scans! So we went over my dates again and she decided to go with the scan EDD which was quite a bit later at 28/1/10. (11 days from the other EDD) I didn’t really believe it was accurate, but I kinda went along, not wanting to be a trouble maker. I came home feeling frustrated because I felt like she hadn’t listened to me the first time, as well as being double minded about her own practice and which method of dating she had most confidence in.

So we had the anatomy scan last week and all is well so far which is something I am truly grateful for. Anyway….the sonographers measurements put me at 20 weeks and 4 days at the time of the scan (with a margin for error of 1week either way), which is exactly where I date the pregnancy and gives me the original due date of 17/1/10. So today at the appointment we go over the whole thing AGAIN! I tried to point out that it would be impossible for the second early scan to be correct because it would mean that I had a positive pregnancy test at 7 days after conception. Anyway…I told her I was more convinced of the earlier EDD and would prefer to go with that and I explained why. She got confused about whether we were counting from conception or last menstrual period and in the end asked me if I was a mathematician! I said no, but I wasn’t happy with an 11 day discrepancy in due dates as this could have ramifications if I am very overdue or if baby comes early and they don’t want me to birth at home. The atmosphere was slightly uncomfortable but I told her I was frustrated that there was this ongoing issue because I felt like she hadn’t listened to my concerns way back when I was 9 weeks pregnant, when we could have resolved it. She apologised and we moved on deciding to settle on the earlier date and to keep the second one in mind.

There are a few other minor concerns that added to this one make me uncomfortable with the idea of her attending the birth. I don’t feel like we have a good rapport, that she’s a bit scatterbrained and forgets stuff. (What if she forgets our discussion about not breaking my waters, or other interventions? I really won’t feel like discussing it again on the big day!) She hasn’t even listened to the fetal heart yet. It doesn’t bother me too much because I can feel baby moving around all the time and the scan last week showed a perfect little four chambered heart etc. but still….it makes me unsure of how confident she is at assessing a fetal heart beat?

So, it’s been bugging me for a while that I just don’t have confidence in this lady and this morning in the shower I gave myself and ultimatum…..if it doesn’t go well today then I’ll try to find another midwife. So… now I’m pretty sure I’ll have to try to find another one. It’s not going to be easy this far along….most midwives are booked up very quickly and people usually book a midwife as soon as you find out you’re pregnant. I will probably go back to try the lady who delivered R2 and hope she’ll have me.

But actually. I really don’t want anyone to do anything. I just want to be left alone and get on with it. Part of me wishes it was like the old days when the midwife was and aunty or sister or mother who had some experience. Not because I don’t value professional care, but because I want someone who know’s me and won’t try to speed things up just so they can get to their appointments on time. I would be quite happy for a midwife to come and just sit drinking tea in another room, check the fetal heart from time to time if I wanted it, and who could step in to help in case of trouble. I wonder if I’ll find anyone who agrees with me? I’m vaguely tempted to have an unassisted birth…????

OK. I’m done. Rant over. Now hubby won’t have to listen to it again ;) I feel better now.

Thoughts on having our fourth baby

In no particular order:

• Four children really does seem a lot more than three.
• I am enjoying that E6 and B4 are old enough to understand and get excited this time. E6 talks to me about the pregnancy every single day and is so excited.
• Morning sickness sucks.
• So does a ferocious appetite and that I am gaining weight so early and so fast.
• I’m only 13 weeks but it’s starting to become quite obvious that I am either pregnant or getting really really fat. I fear the tummy is a sign of both simultaneously.
• How are we all going to fit in this house?
• Boy? Girl? Boy? Girl? Find out at the scan or have another surprise?
• Girls names. Boys names. Thinking, thinking. E6 has a really long list already. (Includes her favourite book characters like Mr and Mrs Large – Bwahahahahahahahahhhah)
• Doh. I gave away our baby blankets last year.
• Planning another home birth. Hoping it will be a tad easier than R2′s birth which was safely at home but really really hard.I posted the story here.
• Just so you know, I am around 13 weeks and due in mid January 2010.
• Having had three pregnancies (not counting two early miscarriages) before, I kinda know a bit of what to expect. I don’t find pregnancy particularly pleasant but considering there is a good chance this will be my last pregnancy I am trying to enjoy it. In saying that though, I am so impatient to get the unpleasantness over with and very keen to get to the end and hold my baby in my arms. I don’t even mind labour particularly.
• Can’t wait to feel those little kicks. (not so keen on the powerful jolts in the cervix that take my breath away or the relentless digs in the ribs, but nevertheless, gotta love life bursting inside of you!)
• Didn’t have the nuchal translucency scan but did have an early scan because of some doubt about dates. Saw a wee little heart beat around 6 weeks. Very keen to hear baby’s heartbeat for the first time at my next appointment in a few weeks. I find it so reasuring that all is well. Even though I am past the high risk for miscarriage dates, I still worry about worst case scenarios from time to time. Silly me. Worrying is pointless.
• And just for fun I’ve added a poll to the side bar. What do you think? Should we find out baby’s gender? We have had a surprise for the other three which I really enjoyed. It always makes me laugh to hear everyone’s opinion about whether it’s a boy or a girl based on the size or shape of my stomach. Hahaha. What are you reasons for finding out the gender? Or keeping it a surprise? Comments please :)

My Home Birth experience

The birth of little Ryan was a planned home birth. My previous births were straight forward….Emma’s being a typical slow to progress first delivery and I felt I went to the hospital too soon. To cut a long (22 hours from start to finish) story short, I ended up with internal foetal monitoring, an epidural, IV fluids, and a catheter. Too many bits in me, but a healthy and beautiful little girl. (8lb 12oz – 3980gm) And stitches for me afterwards.
For Ben’s birth I decided it would be better to stay at home as long as possible to avoid any unnecessary interventions and because I felt more comfortable labouring at home. After about 6 hours of labour, (4 hours manageable, 2 hours getting really sore) I told D that I felt like we’d better go to the hospital. Thinking we still had hours to go, and knowing my wish to stay at home as long as possible, he got the car packed and ready rather slowly. I felt the urge to push after the walk from bedroom to lounge brought on a series of really strong contractions, and I found myself giving small involuntary pushes in the car on the way. D was on the phone to the hospital telling them we were on the way and “She’s pushing!” We were greeted outside by a midwife and a wheelchair and while she took me to the delivery ward D parked the car. Meanwhile I’ve gone up the lift and when getting gout of the chair onto the bed, the midwife is saying “Don’t push, just let me check you”. I couldn’t help it and my waters broke all over the floor. Her examination revealed a head crowning and D walked in right on cue for 2 pushes later head was out, then two further pushes and body was out too. My beautiful strong 10lb 3 oz (4660gm) boy. There had been no time for pain relief although I’d used a TENS machine at home. (Loved it: highly recommend). I did suck on gas for the stitches though.

So…..given the relatively ‘easy’ birth second time round I though a home birth made a lot of sense. The day he was due, my midwife performed a stretch and sweep. I’m still not sure if I’m glad we did this or not. I was fed up with being pregnant, and if I’d gone to 41 weeks I would not have been able to have a home birth. Anyway, it was our decision to do that. Later that day I started having niggly irregular contractions. This went on for sometime and I eventually went to bed, but got up at around 9pm because it was too uncomfortable in bed.

I slowly got the lounge ready with all the stuff. D joined me around 11pm and I think we put the TENS machine on around 1am. Things were progressing nicely and I was able to walk around which helped. I would have periods of lying in bed in between. Around 3:30am we decided to call the midwife who would be about 20 minutes away. She’d wanted to be there about an hour before the baby is born. (Difficult to predict of course so we erred on early) She arrived around 4am and our friend Jodi arrived around 4:30am.

Just after phoning the midwife however, things slowed down quite a bit and I was back to having contractions only 5 minutes apart and not more than 50 seconds long. I walked a bit to get things going and eventually the decision was made to check dilation and while she was at it she broke the waters. (around 5:30am) I remember feeling disappointed and violated because she didn’t tell me she was doing this. This increased the intensity of the labour and I was hopeful that this would get things going. My midwife suggested sitting on the toilet to open the pelvis and I had a few strong contractions there and woke the children with all the hustle and bustle outside their door at around 5:45am.

From then until the birth was very very hard. I was having very painful contractions yet it didn’t feel like we were getting any closer to delivery. I was quite discouraged and a bit scared because I felt something wasn’t quite right. Ben’s birth had gone so smoothly and quickly, and I’d expected the same. I was getting very tired. Several times I put my head down and said “I’m just going to sleep for a while”. I couldn’t understand why they didn’t believe me. I was convinced at the time it was possible and just what I needed to do to be able to carry on.

They kept telling me to try moving around a bit, but I felt so exhausted that to move my legs seemed nearly impossible. My pelvis felt weird and my legs didn’t want to move. I was getting annoyed with them (the midwife, her colleague and a student) telling me to move when I just couldn’t. I felt like they didn’t understand how hard I was working and how exhausted. In hindsight, I realise they did, and it was just transition talking. Not sure of the time but I started to panic with transition and kept saying to them that I just can’t do it anymore and I’d have to go to hospital and have a caeserean. D just kept on reassuring me and telling me I was doing a good job. I had to look right in his eyes and will myself to believe that he was in a better state to assess the situation than me and trust him. I’m so glad I had him there to trust because I felt quite out of control and scared that something was wrong.

Eventually I was given some IV fluids as I was dehydrating and quite exhausted. This made a big difference to my state of mind and suddenly I felt myself come out of a daze, become wide awake and a new resolve to carry one. It wasn’t long after that I started the pushing stage which lasted about half an hour I think. Again much harder than I expected and felt like it was never going to end.

Finally Ryan was born, just after 7am. I remember letting out a loud shout when he finally came out. It was surprise, relief and pain. The children got to see him being born. He was strong, pink and beautiful and slippery. I still remember Ben’s face as he approached me and saw him. I held him against me and we wrapped him up and kept him warm. When it was time to weigh, check and dress him, the children went with him over to the table and watched. I only vaguely remember the delivery of the placenta, but I do remember that the first feed was a bit tainted with pain because the were busy stitching me up. That was horrid.

It turns out he was posterior . This came as a surprise to me as at the previous days appointment he was ROA. (If you read this article, you will see the author explains the type of problems encountered in labour). This explains the difficulties and I think I’d have coped better if I’d known what was going on. I later discussed this with my midwife, as well as the breaking waters thing. She said she thought she’d told me/asked me about the water. It must have been an oversight, and I have no hard feelings. She said they had suspected a posterior presentation when things were taking so long

I do wonder if I had the best possible outcome though. I wonder if they’d waited on breaking waters, if he’d have turned. I wonder if they even knew he was posterior when they did that. I guess we’ll never know.

Anyway, he was safe throughout with a strong steady heartbeat and I knew that. In fact it was a reassurance to know that when I was scared, because I could hear that his heart was going strong and steady despite what I was feeling!

I am still so very glad I had a home birth. The rest of the day was lovely. It was so nice to be in my own home. The children carried on as normal. I got to rest in my own bed. D felt comfortable and in control, and didn’t have to leave us at the end of it.

In the days that followed, I remember feeling particularly euphoric. I was so happy to have delivered him at home. So happy to have had my family around me. The children were enjoying him. I was so glad not to be pregnant anymore! Having him at home was so much better than being in hospital. It meant a smoother adjustment for all of us particularly the children, and they fell in love with him straight away. So did we.

Edited to add: He was 9lb 11oz – 4400gm.