New Midwife!

I have a lovely new midwife. I met her yesterday and I am so relieved. She is quite happy to take a hands off approach to the birth if all is well. Sigh…an issue resolved. Looking forward to a lovely home birth of this little boy. I feel so lucky.

On Birth

WARNING: I tried, but couldn’t cut a long story short. This is the long version. Also be aware that I am whinging and grumbling about somewhat insignificant things in the grand scheme of things and that while I usually try not to sweat the small stuff, right now I am a pregnant woman! Don’t mess with me!

Just returned from a midwife appointment this morning and feeling a little unsettled about how things are going. But first a bit of background.

Here in NZ expectant mothers choose a Lead Maternity Carer who takes care of them during the pregnancy, delivers the baby and also provides post-natal care. For the majority of women, a midwife takes the role of the LMC. There are a few GP’s who still deliver, but not many. For women with high risk pregnancies, or medical conditions they may choose an obstetrician to be their LMC. (Actually anyone can if you’re willing to pay for it….the government only pays for an Ob. if you need one.) All maternity care in the public system in NZ is free, including all the pre- and post-natal care, the delivery, and hospital stay.

Anyway….so I have a new midwife this time around. I was pretty happy with the midwife who delivered R2, but felt like she was a hospital midwife who delivered at home sometimes, and there were some aspects that felt rushed, and not as relaxed as I’d have liked. Maybe I’m being a bit picky, but this time I thought I would choose a midwife who prefers home birth deliveries, and has a home birth philosophy.

On the recommendation of a good friend, I phoned the lady who had delivered her last two children at home. I remember her saying “You’d like Debbie, when she came to our births, you hardly knew she was there” and that’s just what I wanted. Someone who was there in case we needed help, but not interfering or making a fuss. Unfortunatlely when I phoned I found out that the lovely Debbie is away overseas until mid January when I’m due, so I made an appointment with another midwife at the same practice.

To protect her identity, (because I’m about to have a rant about her hehehe) let’s call her A. I’ve seen her three times now. Once at 9 weeks pregnant, once at 15 weeks and now today at 21 weeks. At the very first appointment I raised with her that I had some questions surrounding the due date because an early scan caused some confusion and there seemed to be a discrepancy. I know that the best time to date a pregnancy is early so I raised it then in case she wanted to get another dating scan done to be sure. But, she told me that we should go by my dates (which were not certain but pretty sure as my cycles are regular) and that she didn’t place much too much credit on ultrasound scans. That was fine with me because I was sure they’d made a mistake. (It was impossible that first scan should say 5 weeks and second scan 18 days later showed 6weeks 4 days….the baby was/is fine, so one of the scans was clearly not accurate. I reckon it was the second one (which showed a heartbeat) and it was so quick….literally on the table for about 30 seconds and all round bad service – But that is another story!) We decided on an estimated date of delivery (EDD) of 17/1/10, based on my dates.

Anyway, all was fine and then I saw her again at 15 weeks and the first thing she said to be was “Now, I have received an ultrasound report for you and I have some concern about your due date.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after that was the exact issue we had discussed at our previous appointment and she said she wasn’t too concerned about scans! So we went over my dates again and she decided to go with the scan EDD which was quite a bit later at 28/1/10. (11 days from the other EDD) I didn’t really believe it was accurate, but I kinda went along, not wanting to be a trouble maker. I came home feeling frustrated because I felt like she hadn’t listened to me the first time, as well as being double minded about her own practice and which method of dating she had most confidence in.

So we had the anatomy scan last week and all is well so far which is something I am truly grateful for. Anyway….the sonographers measurements put me at 20 weeks and 4 days at the time of the scan (with a margin for error of 1week either way), which is exactly where I date the pregnancy and gives me the original due date of 17/1/10. So today at the appointment we go over the whole thing AGAIN! I tried to point out that it would be impossible for the second early scan to be correct because it would mean that I had a positive pregnancy test at 7 days after conception. Anyway…I told her I was more convinced of the earlier EDD and would prefer to go with that and I explained why. She got confused about whether we were counting from conception or last menstrual period and in the end asked me if I was a mathematician! I said no, but I wasn’t happy with an 11 day discrepancy in due dates as this could have ramifications if I am very overdue or if baby comes early and they don’t want me to birth at home. The atmosphere was slightly uncomfortable but I told her I was frustrated that there was this ongoing issue because I felt like she hadn’t listened to my concerns way back when I was 9 weeks pregnant, when we could have resolved it. She apologised and we moved on deciding to settle on the earlier date and to keep the second one in mind.

There are a few other minor concerns that added to this one make me uncomfortable with the idea of her attending the birth. I don’t feel like we have a good rapport, that she’s a bit scatterbrained and forgets stuff. (What if she forgets our discussion about not breaking my waters, or other interventions? I really won’t feel like discussing it again on the big day!) She hasn’t even listened to the fetal heart yet. It doesn’t bother me too much because I can feel baby moving around all the time and the scan last week showed a perfect little four chambered heart etc. but still….it makes me unsure of how confident she is at assessing a fetal heart beat?

So, it’s been bugging me for a while that I just don’t have confidence in this lady and this morning in the shower I gave myself and ultimatum…..if it doesn’t go well today then I’ll try to find another midwife. So… now I’m pretty sure I’ll have to try to find another one. It’s not going to be easy this far along….most midwives are booked up very quickly and people usually book a midwife as soon as you find out you’re pregnant. I will probably go back to try the lady who delivered R2 and hope she’ll have me.

But actually. I really don’t want anyone to do anything. I just want to be left alone and get on with it. Part of me wishes it was like the old days when the midwife was and aunty or sister or mother who had some experience. Not because I don’t value professional care, but because I want someone who know’s me and won’t try to speed things up just so they can get to their appointments on time. I would be quite happy for a midwife to come and just sit drinking tea in another room, check the fetal heart from time to time if I wanted it, and who could step in to help in case of trouble. I wonder if I’ll find anyone who agrees with me? I’m vaguely tempted to have an unassisted birth…????

OK. I’m done. Rant over. Now hubby won’t have to listen to it again I feel better now.

Butterflies and Babies

Spring is in the air today and it’s just the weather to get into the garden. We are going to start a butterfly garden because E6 is wanting to learn all about butterflies this term. A friend gave me some Milkweed seeds (which the caterpillars eat) and some wildflowers (which produce nectar for the butterflies) so today we did some planting. No photos yet because I’m too lazy to upload them…

Oh my gosh I an loving the sun today! So glad winter is coming to an end. I really do love warm sunny days and a blue sky always puts me in a good mood.

Baby in utero is doing fine… growing nicely and kicking around from time to time. I am 17 weeks or so along. What’s that…23 weeks to go! Seems like forever and how much can a body morph in 23 weeks? A heck of a lot actually! I’m so glad the morning sickness phase is over. Right now is a lovley pregnant time for me. I’m neither sick nor the size of a house, so the discomforts are kept to a minimum at the moment. Just little annoyances like my being unable to button my jeans so they are always falling down, but not quite ready for the maternity pants. ehehe

The children are still fascinated by the whole pregnant thing and we’ve had interesting discussions about all sorts of things like where my food goes…”Does it go straight into the baby’s tummy mum?’ It was quite cool being able to explain to the all about the placenta and the umbilical cord and the amazingness of foetal circulation! Love it! Fourth time around and I still find the whole thing fascinating!

Meme (what does that mean anyway?)

Saw this meme over at Sharon’s blog today and thought I’d join in. I’m so tired lately that it’s been hard to write but this is an easy way to get something down.

What is your current obsession?

Raising funds to ship 473 boxes of donated medical supplies out of my garage and to the Howard Hospital in Zimbabwe.  Also poverty in general and raising people’s awareness of it.

What is your weirdest obsession?

I have no idea. If you think I have a weird obsession be sure to let me know. Thanks.

What are you wearing today?

Jeans, t-shirt, cardi.

What’s for dinner?

D made fried rice. Yum

What’s the last thing you bought?

A pair of knitting needles and a ball of wool because my 4 year old son wants me to make him a scarf to wear in the snow on Saturday. We are going on a (long) day trip to Mt Ruapehu.

What are you listening to right now?

Rain on the roof, crackling fireplace. Hum of computer.

If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?

To visit family in Australia

Which language do you want to learn?

Hindi

What do you love most about where you currently live?

We are safe and warm and we get to eat every single day.

What is your favourite colour?

Pink or green

What is your favourite piece of clothing in your own wardrobe?

A white cotton peasant blousey thingy.

What were you doing ten years ago?

Backpacking around India with my buddy Ali.

Describe your personal style?

Um…..style? Casual. Comfortable. Practical.

If you had £100 now, what would you spend it on?

Well, that’s about NZ$259 which would cover the shipping of about 16 of the 473 boxes mentioned above.

What are you going to do after this?

Sleep

What are your favourite films?

I always find it hard to answer this question because I forget movies. (Never forget a good book though!) Also I don’t tend to watch the same movie over and over so none become a firm favourite. But let’s try……I enjoyed Australia, and did enjoy Slumdog Millionaire,

What inspires you?

When people discover and make time to pursue their dreams or the thing they are best at. I really believe that every single person has a unique and valuable contribution to make to the world…a destiny or purpose if you like and there is nothing more wonderful and inspiring to me that seeing them doing it with all their heart.

Your favourite books?

How long have we got? Ha ha there are many. I just finished reading A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaleed Hossieni and loved it. Also loved Cry, the Beloved Country by Alan Paton. Oh and The City of Joy by Dominique Lapierre, and The Hiding Place by Corrie TenBoom.  I love learning about how other people live and books that inspire me to action about things that are unjust in the world – like poverty and war and political regimes.

But I also love the classics, like Great Expectations by Charles Dickens and Jane Austens works. I also like classic childrens literature like Treasure Island – RL Stevenson and The Secret Garden – Frances Hodgson Burnett.

Do you collect anything?

Books and clutter.

What makes you follow a blog?

I like to read blogs of people I know as it’s a great way to get to know someone better. I also like to read blogs that inspire my creativity, or about ordinary people doing extraordinary things to make a difference in the world. Sometime I follow a blog out of habit because it’s been on my feed reader for such a long time and it would seem disloyal to suddenly delete it!

Name an unfulfilled dream or one thing you must do before you die?

To visit/travel in/ live in Africa. Feed a hungry child. (I mean literally….be there, not just send money)

What’s your biggest regret in life?

I don’t really have any regrets, but that’s not because I haven’t done anything stupid, but you can’t change the past so I tend not to think about them. I dunno. A minor regret prehaps …not celebrating my 30th birthday with a big fat party.

When you were a child/teenages what did you really want to be when you grew up?

I wanted to be a nurse and a mother. (So far so good!)

The rules:1. Respond and rework; answer the questions on your blog, replace one question that you dislike with a question of your invention, add one more question of your own.2. Tag eight other people.

I’m tagging anyone anywhere who wants to join in. Leave a comment here so I can come read yours too.

Around the World

Carien at She Laughs At the Days tagged me for this around the world meme. I’m supposed to post  5 favourite things about being a mum. Just a few things that have come to mind….there are a thousand wonderful things about being a parent though…

1) Getting to revisit childhood. Love playing with playdough, swinging at the park and reading great picture books.

2) Having a reasonably good excuse for my house never being completely tidy.

3) Something to laugh about every single day. Kids really do love to laugh!

4) Spontaneous expressions of love from my children touch my heart in a way nothing else can.

5) Seeing my kids learn.

Now to tag some people. 4maze in New Zealand because I’ve never tagged her for anything, Monica of Transplanting Me in Thailand, Katie at The Journey in Uganda, because even if she doesn’t participate you should go and check out her blog anyway…she’s amother on a completely different scale!

Long time gone

Been taking a bit of a blog break the last little while. The 4th day of Christmas and all the rest of them came and went and not a blog post in sight. We had a great Christmas though.

So begins 2009 and so far it’s been a good one. D has changed jobs and is now working 25 hours a week shift work. I’m also working  again and Love it! So nice to be nursing again. It’s a skill I don’t want to lose and if I left it much longer I’d have to study again, which isn’t likely to happen.

One other thing to happen while I was away from blog land was that R22 months nearly lost the end of his finger. There was blood (eeek I could see bone) and screaming and 111 calls and morphine and ED waits and surgery and bandages and pamol and antibiotics and no baths for days and now it’s all well that ends well. Poor little fella. He was so brave. Not an experience I ever want to revisit.   (I’d rather voluntarily place my finger in the door and have someone slam it than see that again on my little child)

Anyway, with the lack of blog writing and blog reading that has been going on, I have enjoyed quite a bit of reading…I’m adding a Library Thing widget with books from 2008, and my list for 2009. If you want to read my reviews they’ll all be over there unless there’s something particularly good I read that I want to share with you here.

So…maybe I’m back. Maybe not.  I’ll believe it if I see it!

Christmas 2008 – Day 3

Decorate the Christmas Tree!!!!!!!!!!

How exciting! We should really have done this on the first, but we wanted Daddy to join in! Golly I had fun. The Christmas music was playing and everyone was happy! Each of us found something useful to do.

I put the tree up while E6 carefully placed the ornaments on. We had such fun finding our favourites from last year.

B4 helped Dad untangle the lights and get them started.

And R1 threw the ornaments out the window and went to collect them to do it all over again. He had such fun doing this heehhee.

Christmas 2008 – Day 2

Today we went to the library and borrowed Christmas books! We have fiction and short stories and non-fiction and carols. Yay! Slack me hasn’t taken any photos. So this is a photo-less post.

The kids also made little angels from polystyrene cups and balls, with attached paper wings. So cute and now we have FOUR angels for our tree. Who ever said there was supposed to be one up there?

Christmas 2008 – Day 1

Last year I decided that it was time to find our family way and celebrate Christmas with our own family traditions. I picked up this fabric panel cheap and sewed little pockets to make an advent calendar. Each pocket has a little treat for the kiddies, and an idea for the day as we head towards Christmas.

December 1st  – Bring out the Christmas Music!

Our house is now filled with all the tunes….we have quite a collection from Bing Crosby and Ella Fitzgerald to Band Aid and Queen, all the favourites.

The throw-upping is all fishened

My little B4 (can’t believe he’s 4!) woke in the night and after taking himself to the toilet lay down on the floor and whimpered to me…”Mummy, I have a sore tummy”. I got him settled back to bed and a few minutes later he called me again “I wanted to say something to you.” I came and he said “Good night Mum. I love you”.

So, I settled myself back to bed and a little later he called and cried. “I think I’m going to throw up”. Awwww…..so I run to get a bowl and yes indeed he did throw up poor little chap. (I was so proud of him for being able to tell me in time to get a bowl and he didn’t throw up all over the bed….)

His Dad heard the retching and came to help, and my sweet little boy looked up at his Dad in between heaves and said all forlorn
“Dad….I’m throw-upping !”

Awww, my heart turns to mush at his sweet, cuteness. How did I get so lucky?

(Why did I found this sweet and cute in the midst of vomit, I have no idea…just never want to remember these moments with little people)

PS. He’s ok now. No more throw-upping. He’s all fishened. That’s another one of B4’s words. Hope I never forget how it sounds when he says it.