Ch ch ch ch changes

I am sitting outside in the relative cool of the evening, playing chicken with the mosquitoes. The sky is hazy with smoke and I cannot see the hills beyond the suburbs like I usually can. I don’t know where the fire is.

It’s nice to take some time to sit alone and think. February is my favourite month and I find myself thinking of February’s past. A lot has happened during the last 12 months. It’s been quite a year.

February 2012 marked the beginning of the pregnancy which gave us Joel. He is three months old now and we are all enjoying him as babies are meant to be enjoyed – that is, he is being thoroughly lavished with attention from us. Lucky boy with lots of siblings to fuss over him.

We celebrated our 13th wedding anniversary last week in what was one of the toughest weeks of our marriage so far I reckon. I suppose it’s because our marriage might now be considered a petulant teen. Or it could just be cracks showing the strain of the extra weight of a new baby, a new country, and some stressful issues all at once.

Moving back to Australia has been a good move for our family and I don’t regret it for a moment, but at the same time I wouldn’t call it easy. Not that others don’t have it harder. But still…I took some strain this year.

Probably the hardest thing has been the kids missing their friends and lacking buddies to play with during the week. Because we home school and they don’t get a ready made bunch of friends at school, making friends is something we have to be proactive about. There are plenty of active home schooling groups here with friendly people and fun, interesting activities, but I just haven’t had the energy to consistently get involved and really get connected. This also means we haven’t had the support that I think is essential to home schooling working, especially with a large family. It does take time. I know this. And we gave it just over 6 months. We still sorely miss our NZ friends.

I kept thinking that soon I will feel better…ever moving the goal posts…”it will be easier when the baby is born”…”it will get better once we’re through the new born stage”….”I just need a good night’s sleep”…”we’re just having a rough week”.

But there were too many rough weeks in a row, and we always said that we would regularly assess what is the best educational choice for the children . I haven’t had the energy to do the home schooling thing well, and that just isn’t fair on the kids. D & I also struggled to find time to be together to talk and were taking strain. I came to the sobering and a little painful conclusion that I am burnt out. Its the kind of tired that takes more than a few good sleeps to fix.

So we decided it would be best for everyone if we enrolled the children in school. The boys started last week and Emma will start next term. I don’t know if it will be permanent. I can’t think too far ahead right now. But so far I can say that it was definitely a good decision. They are settling in really well especially considering this is their first experience of school.

Actually now with just three at home during the day I really don’t know myself.  It’s been great though and when the others come home I am excited to see them which is the kind of Mum I know is inside me but who has been missing in action for a while.

I am consciously taking time to look after myself. I feel like I need to recover and that will take time and kindness. I have started journalling my way through to the other side. I might share some of that with you as I go.

Hot

Did a bit of shopping. Gearing up for the big day, but mostly sitting around looking busy with worlds cutest 6 week old baby, and incredibly grateful for air conditioning.

How to cope with hot weather

39 degrees outside?

No problem, play in the sun, feeding hundreds and thousands to the ants.

 
Can’t find your Bob the Builder sunhat?

No problem, stick a beanie on your head.
Feeling sleepy?

Just lie down and have a nap on the floor.

Two weeks later

And here we are two weeks later and it feels like he’s always been with us.

 

We really hit the ground running, with an eventful week leading up to the birth, and there’s still a lot happening. The due date came and went…I spent some of the day out with Sam trying to distract myself from the fact that I was still pregnant.

 The Friday was Emma’s birthday and we spent the day at the pools with cousins and Uncle, and finished off with cheesecake. The following day she was treated to see the Russian ballet perform Swan Lake and went to that with her Aunty and cousin. I wished I could have joined them, but as it turns out I went into labour late that night so rather glad I didn’t. Especially since it was in Tanunda, about an hour or more drive away.

So this brings us to the early hours of Sunday morning. In labour –  contractions are sore enough not to sleep anymore, but not so bad I couldn’t take bad self portraits.

At 6am he was born with my family there and my excellent Gaskin-esque midwife offering support from the sidelines.(Ina May Gaskin is a new hero of mine – I will be telling every pregnant woman I know to read/watch as much of her material as possible) Doug delivered him straight into my arms and all was well. I have difficulty already remembering the pain, except that I do know that it was really really painful. For those interested in such things, like Ryan (my third born), he was a star gazer, meaning that although he was head down, he was facing the front which is the opposite to the ideal. In my experience it’s a more painful second stage, and the pain feels more scary or out of control and I’m really grateful for the encouragement and support of Doug and the midwives.

About an hour later and we were tucked up in bed where the two of us stayed for the rest of the day and most of the next two.

Two days later Ben’s birthday. He spent the day sliding down hills on ice blocks with the home schooling crowd, had Hungry Jacks for lunch and again, finished off with cheesecake at home. He had a party on Sunday at ten pin bowling.

Sunday night heralded the start of a gastro that swept through most of our family. Fortunately Joel and I escaped and didn’t get sick. but everyone else had their turn over a period of 48 hours, one night we had two boys taking turns vomiting through the night interspersed only by a baby waking for feeds. Wow, that was a fun way to spend the wee hours.

It left as quickly as it started though and by Tuesday we were all back on track, just in time for Doug to start work – an orientation day. My first day with all 5 children by myself, and by then we were all suffering a severe case of cabin fever. For me it was 9 days straight inside the house. So we headed out to the playground, Joel’s first outing at the park. It was a really hot day, the older kids played under the sprinklers at the playground and begged to swim at the beach, but I wasn’t quite ready to deal with 4 wet kids and a car full of sand.

Since then we’ve been busy with ballet rehearsals for Emma’s end of year show, and some children have been getting messy with food.

And what else?  Making the most of every moment and trying to savour these newborn things that don’t last very long at all – like fuzzy hair and brand new feet that have never been used.

As predicted, the baby did arrive

Here he is. Meet Joel. He arrived on the 11th November, at home with my family and with the help of an excellent midwife. He weighed 9lb 3oz, or 4.1kg. It’s so good to finally hold him, and we are all so happy.

Living and Learning

A few people have recently asked me whether we have sorted out what we’ll need to do in regards to teaching the children according to the SA Curriculum. The short answer is yes, we know what we need to provide to satisfy the Department of Education.

However, it’s never an easy question to answer, because our approach to learning is so very different to the mainstream idea of school. Our approach to learning has evolved over the years, and sometimes when I try to explain it, I can hear what the other person might be hearing in my words and I know it all sounds a bit nutty. This article, however,  explains the gist of it nicely though, so I thought I’d post it here.

I Live Therefore I Learn

We’re still figuring it out as we go along, balancing the mundane necessities of everyday life, while trying to keep life rich and fresh and interesting. Some days it feels like we’re missing something…not quite hitting the sweet spot of really making the most of the opportunities in each day, but there are more good days than not and over time I feel like we’re definitely hitting it more often.

Inside the house pics

As requested by some friends far away, here’s some pics of the inside of the house as it is now.

Starting from the front door:

This is the boys room which is actually the formal lounge. It’s a weird L shape as you’ll see, so we decided to put the boys in here together as there is space for their beds, and extra space for play. The desk was bought for Ben, he asked for it, but it seems Dad has taken a liking to it as well. All the beds and two of the mattresses were given to us. Wardrobe given to us. Wooden drawers we bought second-hand. Plastic drawers from NZ.

Next up the kitchen and dining. We got this table and 8 chairs for $120 from an op shop.

Then the family room. Has a wood burner which we haven’t tried out yet. The whole house has ducted heating/cooling so we’ve been using that. I expect our electricity bill to be rather high but we’ll see. We have gas for water which is really nice.

There’s another part to the couch but it’s still on the trailer…waiting for someone to help D unload it. Also op shop, $60.

Next is laundry and toilet. We bought the washing machine and dryer (along with the fridge) from a small business that reconditions second-hand ones. They were cheap and it good condition. Happy.

Then this room full of boxes is the third bedroom. It has no window but has a sky light. We’re thinking of putting a little couch and TV/Computers in here so the door can be shut to the noise, and keeping the family room technology free.

Bathroom.

Emma’s room. Also and op shop bed with a mattress given to us. She has mirrored built-in cupboards, and does a good job of keeping her room this tidy. All I do is sweep/mop it.

And our room. No bed yet. Still on a mattress on the floor (also given to us as well as the bedside tables). We also have nice big built-in cupboards.

So there you have it. We don’t need much else, trying to keep it all pretty simple. Would like a bookshelf  at some stage, and a bed for us and that’s about it.

Just some things.

I have tired eyes, but am so awake on the inside…my mind feels alert with the anticipation of the things that have to happen over the next 7 days. Today was busy. Packed another suitcase, washed clothes, cooked dinner and pudding, drank tea with a friend, visited the lawyer, compiled documents for a rental application, sent emails, and sold stuff.  I really like my lawyer. There are two large tail-wagging dogs that greet clients at the door. One is black (a Retriever I think) and the other is golden and curly. Both stand about knee high. You don’t really expect two large dogs when you go to see a lawyer.

I made chocolate pudding for the kids for dessert. I accidentally added 2 eggs instead of 1, and cooked it in the microwave instead of the oven because I was running out of time. But steamy hot pudding however stodgy, with creamy vanilla ice cream still filled happy bellies and so wasn’t a complete fail. The reason I messed up the recipe is because I’m the worst ever cooking-with-kids kind of person. It drives me to distraction (literally) and I make a mistake nearly every time. I can cook and talk on the phone, I can cook and chat with friends, but I can’t cook while making sure the two year old doesn’t pour out the milk, or tip flour on the floor. He’s inclined to do things like that. The other day he stood on a chair while I was making pumpkin soup. We were finished and the phone rang. When I came back I found he had poured and entire 2 litre bottle of milk into the soup and turned it into pumpkin flavoured milk. It was completely wasted. A disaster.

I’m reading again. It’s been a while. A friend lent me The Help a few weeks ago, and one weekend while sick I read the whole thing in two days. It was such a lovely lovely relaxing feeling to read an entire book. (A good read by the way. I saw the movie first, and enjoyed both equally.) When I read and get lost in a good book I can actually feel my brain relax. It’s like a brain-sigh. Anyway, now I’m finally reading Life of Pi by Yann Martel. I bought it ages ago, and finally in desperation of having nothing to read, I unpacked a box of books that has been packed up for three months and dug it out. So far so good. I’m needing a read at the end of the day to stop my brain going over To Do lists all night.  Last night I dreamed I was driving along Seacliff Beach (my local beach in Adelaide) watching sharks circling around in the shallows. (What does this mean??)

This bearded dragon has absolutely nothing to do with anything. I just like him.

Boys vs Girls: Injuries

My youngest son ended up with a leg fracture the other day after falling from the top bunk. I got to thinking about the various accidents and injuries over the years we’ve been parents. Here’s the tally.

GIRL INJURIES:

• Baby tooth extracted after accidentally twisting it out trying to open a bottle with her teeth.

BOY INJURIES: (not all the same boy)

• Burn to hand placed directly on stove element requiring medical attention
• Laceration to head requiring medical attention
• Burn to hand placed directly on fireplace door
• Near amputation of finger requiring surgery
• Burn to hand placed directly on bbq
• Baby tooth pulled out eating toffee apple
• Black eye due to falling from bench
• Laceration to head requiring stitches
• Burn to back of legs standing too close to fireplace
• Fractured leg after falling from bunk

Admittedly we have three boys and only one girl, but then she’s been here longer so that should even it out somewhat. This list doesn’t innumerable bumps and scrapes, but the boys are clear winners in those as well. Boys! My poor heart. There are still so many years ahead.

 

Preparing to move

It’s funny how when you start thinking about leaving a place, that suddenly you are acutely aware of all the things you will miss about it. I have to say that the upcoming move to Australia isn’t really about the grass being greener on the other side. In the literal sense, the grass is definitely greener on this side. Adelaide having a much lower rainfall, my memories of the grass there in the heat of summer is patchy brown dusty tufts, the earth being so hard and dry that sometimes the water would run right over it. And in the metaphorical sense too in many ways, there are things here that I love and will miss dearly, and I will think of as the greener pastures.

As I drove to work last night, I couldn’t help but smile (and laugh actually) at the cars jammed full of proud Tongans and Samoans, furiously waving their nations flags and tooting their horns in their excitement about the Rugby World Cup. Living and working in South Auckland has exposed me to the Pacific Islander population and I know I will miss them. I love to see their strong sense of family as they gather around their sick relative in the hospital, many families holding vigil by the bedside for the duration of their stay. They attend to all the personal needs of the patient themselves, bring in their favourite foods and eat together in large groups. I always enjoy when they sing, play ukulele and pray together. A beautiful splash larger than life colour. I have learned things from them. Somehow the thought of being surrounded by mostly Caucasian people seems rather insipid. (No offense intended to all us whites…but we really do lack colour in more ways than one). I think on arrival in Adelaide I will have to seek out some diverse populations and plonk myself down in the middle of them.

When I first moved to New Zealand I was such a proud Australian that I felt a little sad that any children we had wouldn’t be Australian by birth. I got over myself though and now of course have four Kiwi kids. I could not be prouder that they are New Zealanders. One of the things that is hard about moving is that they are leaving the land of their birth. I am certain that there is always a connection between a person and the land they were born in, and there’s a sense of being uprooted when you leave. I know that they will want to come back one day. I hope they keep close ties with New Zealand as they grow up.  New Zealanders are some of the friendliest and most generous people I’ve met.

These are the thoughts on my mind as we go through our garage today and sort out our things into those we will keep and those we won’t. It feels good. It feels hard.