New Midwife!

I have a lovely new midwife. I met her yesterday and I am so relieved. She is quite happy to take a hands off approach to the birth if all is well. Sigh…an issue resolved. Looking forward to a lovely home birth of this little boy. I feel so lucky.

On Birth

WARNING: I tried, but couldn’t cut a long story short. This is the long version. Also be aware that I am whinging and grumbling about somewhat insignificant things in the grand scheme of things and that while I usually try not to sweat the small stuff, right now I am a pregnant woman! Don’t mess with me!

Just returned from a midwife appointment this morning and feeling a little unsettled about how things are going. But first a bit of background.

Here in NZ expectant mothers choose a Lead Maternity Carer who takes care of them during the pregnancy, delivers the baby and also provides post-natal care. For the majority of women, a midwife takes the role of the LMC. There are a few GP’s who still deliver, but not many. For women with high risk pregnancies, or medical conditions they may choose an obstetrician to be their LMC. (Actually anyone can if you’re willing to pay for it….the government only pays for an Ob. if you need one.) All maternity care in the public system in NZ is free, including all the pre- and post-natal care, the delivery, and hospital stay.

Anyway….so I have a new midwife this time around. I was pretty happy with the midwife who delivered R2, but felt like she was a hospital midwife who delivered at home sometimes, and there were some aspects that felt rushed, and not as relaxed as I’d have liked. Maybe I’m being a bit picky, but this time I thought I would choose a midwife who prefers home birth deliveries, and has a home birth philosophy.

On the recommendation of a good friend, I phoned the lady who had delivered her last two children at home. I remember her saying “You’d like Debbie, when she came to our births, you hardly knew she was there” and that’s just what I wanted. Someone who was there in case we needed help, but not interfering or making a fuss. Unfortunatlely when I phoned I found out that the lovely Debbie is away overseas until mid January when I’m due, so I made an appointment with another midwife at the same practice.

To protect her identity, (because I’m about to have a rant about her hehehe) let’s call her A. I’ve seen her three times now. Once at 9 weeks pregnant, once at 15 weeks and now today at 21 weeks. At the very first appointment I raised with her that I had some questions surrounding the due date because an early scan caused some confusion and there seemed to be a discrepancy. I know that the best time to date a pregnancy is early so I raised it then in case she wanted to get another dating scan done to be sure. But, she told me that we should go by my dates (which were not certain but pretty sure as my cycles are regular) and that she didn’t place much too much credit on ultrasound scans. That was fine with me because I was sure they’d made a mistake. (It was impossible that first scan should say 5 weeks and second scan 18 days later showed 6weeks 4 days….the baby was/is fine, so one of the scans was clearly not accurate. I reckon it was the second one (which showed a heartbeat) and it was so quick….literally on the table for about 30 seconds and all round bad service – But that is another story!) We decided on an estimated date of delivery (EDD) of 17/1/10, based on my dates.

Anyway, all was fine and then I saw her again at 15 weeks and the first thing she said to be was “Now, I have received an ultrasound report for you and I have some concern about your due date.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after that was the exact issue we had discussed at our previous appointment and she said she wasn’t too concerned about scans! So we went over my dates again and she decided to go with the scan EDD which was quite a bit later at 28/1/10. (11 days from the other EDD) I didn’t really believe it was accurate, but I kinda went along, not wanting to be a trouble maker. I came home feeling frustrated because I felt like she hadn’t listened to me the first time, as well as being double minded about her own practice and which method of dating she had most confidence in.

So we had the anatomy scan last week and all is well so far which is something I am truly grateful for. Anyway….the sonographers measurements put me at 20 weeks and 4 days at the time of the scan (with a margin for error of 1week either way), which is exactly where I date the pregnancy and gives me the original due date of 17/1/10. So today at the appointment we go over the whole thing AGAIN! I tried to point out that it would be impossible for the second early scan to be correct because it would mean that I had a positive pregnancy test at 7 days after conception. Anyway…I told her I was more convinced of the earlier EDD and would prefer to go with that and I explained why. She got confused about whether we were counting from conception or last menstrual period and in the end asked me if I was a mathematician! I said no, but I wasn’t happy with an 11 day discrepancy in due dates as this could have ramifications if I am very overdue or if baby comes early and they don’t want me to birth at home. The atmosphere was slightly uncomfortable but I told her I was frustrated that there was this ongoing issue because I felt like she hadn’t listened to my concerns way back when I was 9 weeks pregnant, when we could have resolved it. She apologised and we moved on deciding to settle on the earlier date and to keep the second one in mind.

There are a few other minor concerns that added to this one make me uncomfortable with the idea of her attending the birth. I don’t feel like we have a good rapport, that she’s a bit scatterbrained and forgets stuff. (What if she forgets our discussion about not breaking my waters, or other interventions? I really won’t feel like discussing it again on the big day!) She hasn’t even listened to the fetal heart yet. It doesn’t bother me too much because I can feel baby moving around all the time and the scan last week showed a perfect little four chambered heart etc. but still….it makes me unsure of how confident she is at assessing a fetal heart beat?

So, it’s been bugging me for a while that I just don’t have confidence in this lady and this morning in the shower I gave myself and ultimatum…..if it doesn’t go well today then I’ll try to find another midwife. So… now I’m pretty sure I’ll have to try to find another one. It’s not going to be easy this far along….most midwives are booked up very quickly and people usually book a midwife as soon as you find out you’re pregnant. I will probably go back to try the lady who delivered R2 and hope she’ll have me.

But actually. I really don’t want anyone to do anything. I just want to be left alone and get on with it. Part of me wishes it was like the old days when the midwife was and aunty or sister or mother who had some experience. Not because I don’t value professional care, but because I want someone who know’s me and won’t try to speed things up just so they can get to their appointments on time. I would be quite happy for a midwife to come and just sit drinking tea in another room, check the fetal heart from time to time if I wanted it, and who could step in to help in case of trouble. I wonder if I’ll find anyone who agrees with me? I’m vaguely tempted to have an unassisted birth…????

OK. I’m done. Rant over. Now hubby won’t have to listen to it again I feel better now.

Thoughts on having our fourth baby

In no particular order:

• Four children really does seem a lot more than three.
• I am enjoying that E6 and B4 are old enough to understand and get excited this time. E6 talks to me about the pregnancy every single day and is so excited.
• Morning sickness sucks.
• So does a ferocious appetite and that I am gaining weight so early and so fast.
• I’m only 13 weeks but it’s starting to become quite obvious that I am either pregnant or getting really really fat. I fear the tummy is a sign of both simultaneously.
• How are we all going to fit in this house?
• Boy? Girl? Boy? Girl? Find out at the scan or have another surprise?
• Girls names. Boys names. Thinking, thinking. E6 has a really long list already. (Includes her favourite book characters like Mr and Mrs Large – Bwahahahahahahahahhhah)
• Doh. I gave away our baby blankets last year.
• Planning another home birth. Hoping it will be a tad easier than R2’s birth which was safely at home but really really hard.I posted the story here.
• Just so you know, I am around 13 weeks and due in mid January 2010.
• Having had three pregnancies (not counting two early miscarriages) before, I kinda know a bit of what to expect. I don’t find pregnancy particularly pleasant but considering there is a good chance this will be my last pregnancy I am trying to enjoy it. In saying that though, I am so impatient to get the unpleasantness over with and very keen to get to the end and hold my baby in my arms. I don’t even mind labour particularly.
• Can’t wait to feel those little kicks. (not so keen on the powerful jolts in the cervix that take my breath away or the relentless digs in the ribs, but nevertheless, gotta love life bursting inside of you!)
• Didn’t have the nuchal translucency scan but did have an early scan because of some doubt about dates. Saw a wee little heart beat around 6 weeks. Very keen to hear baby’s heartbeat for the first time at my next appointment in a few weeks. I find it so reasuring that all is well. Even though I am past the high risk for miscarriage dates, I still worry about worst case scenarios from time to time. Silly me. Worrying is pointless.
• And just for fun I’ve added a poll to the side bar. What do you think? Should we find out baby’s gender? We have had a surprise for the other three which I really enjoyed. It always makes me laugh to hear everyone’s opinion about whether it’s a boy or a girl based on the size or shape of my stomach. Hahaha. What are you reasons for finding out the gender? Or keeping it a surprise? Comments please

Loved

My man loves me,

my kiddies love me,

and that is enough for today.

D woke me this morning with toast and coffee.  He does this from time to time so while I appreciated it, I didn’t think much of it. Only later when he said “Happy Mother’s Day” did I realise he was making an extra effort. Never mind that he was a day early! Hee hee! Loved.

Right not he’s taken the kids out because they want to buy me presents. I’m not really fussed if they do or don’t buy me presents, as long as if they do it comes from their heart and not a pressured obligation to do so. Just as they left B4 comes flying out of the car and shouts “I STILL WANT TO COME WITH YOU DAD, BUT I JUST WANT TO GIVE MUM A KISS!!!” He came and gave me a big hug and a kiss and says “I love you so much Mum”. Loved.

This morning E6 woke up not feeling well and came into bed with me while I had my coffee. We chatted and cuddled together and I so enjoyed my time with her. She’s such a treasure and I’m so lucky that she wants to be with me. Loved.

R2 is just 2, so his love is of a different kind. Before they left he gave me a long hug and sat on my lap. Then a high-five! and out the door. Loved.

Thanks God.

Around the World

Carien at She Laughs At the Days tagged me for this around the world meme. I’m supposed to post  5 favourite things about being a mum. Just a few things that have come to mind….there are a thousand wonderful things about being a parent though…

1) Getting to revisit childhood. Love playing with playdough, swinging at the park and reading great picture books.

2) Having a reasonably good excuse for my house never being completely tidy.

3) Something to laugh about every single day. Kids really do love to laugh!

4) Spontaneous expressions of love from my children touch my heart in a way nothing else can.

5) Seeing my kids learn.

Now to tag some people. 4maze in New Zealand because I’ve never tagged her for anything, Monica of Transplanting Me in Thailand, Katie at The Journey in Uganda, because even if she doesn’t participate you should go and check out her blog anyway…she’s amother on a completely different scale!

Never mind, feel free to help yourself

Imagine three kids in the $2 shop. I was trying to help E6 and B4 choose a colouring book. The toddler was behind me looking at the balls. He took two large bouncy balls, went outside the shop to play with them and kicked them into the car park. Then went on to the road to fetch them and was collected by a woman God bless her!

Needless to say the shopkeeper watched the whole thing without saying a word! WT????  If not for the danger, what about his stolen goods? This was the strangest thing about the whole experience.

I had to leave B4 and E6 inside while I went with R22months on my hip to fetch the balls…..I couldn’t hold them properly and they were bouncing everywhere while Ryan was whinging and wriggling in my arms. I should have known it was time to come home, but persisted in trying another shop. AAAAaaaaarrrrrrhhhhhhhhh. The boy continued to be impossible and extremely difficult. I must have looked like one of those mothers, whom I have often pitied.hee hee…must’ve looked pretty funny though. He is SUCH a scallywag.

Long time gone

Been taking a bit of a blog break the last little while. The 4th day of Christmas and all the rest of them came and went and not a blog post in sight. We had a great Christmas though.

So begins 2009 and so far it’s been a good one. D has changed jobs and is now working 25 hours a week shift work. I’m also working  again and Love it! So nice to be nursing again. It’s a skill I don’t want to lose and if I left it much longer I’d have to study again, which isn’t likely to happen.

One other thing to happen while I was away from blog land was that R22 months nearly lost the end of his finger. There was blood (eeek I could see bone) and screaming and 111 calls and morphine and ED waits and surgery and bandages and pamol and antibiotics and no baths for days and now it’s all well that ends well. Poor little fella. He was so brave. Not an experience I ever want to revisit.   (I’d rather voluntarily place my finger in the door and have someone slam it than see that again on my little child)

Anyway, with the lack of blog writing and blog reading that has been going on, I have enjoyed quite a bit of reading…I’m adding a Library Thing widget with books from 2008, and my list for 2009. If you want to read my reviews they’ll all be over there unless there’s something particularly good I read that I want to share with you here.

So…maybe I’m back. Maybe not.  I’ll believe it if I see it!

The throw-upping is all fishened

My little B4 (can’t believe he’s 4!) woke in the night and after taking himself to the toilet lay down on the floor and whimpered to me…”Mummy, I have a sore tummy”. I got him settled back to bed and a few minutes later he called me again “I wanted to say something to you.” I came and he said “Good night Mum. I love you”.

So, I settled myself back to bed and a little later he called and cried. “I think I’m going to throw up”. Awwww…..so I run to get a bowl and yes indeed he did throw up poor little chap. (I was so proud of him for being able to tell me in time to get a bowl and he didn’t throw up all over the bed….)

His Dad heard the retching and came to help, and my sweet little boy looked up at his Dad in between heaves and said all forlorn
“Dad….I’m throw-upping !”

Awww, my heart turns to mush at his sweet, cuteness. How did I get so lucky?

(Why did I found this sweet and cute in the midst of vomit, I have no idea…just never want to remember these moments with little people)

PS. He’s ok now. No more throw-upping. He’s all fishened. That’s another one of B4’s words. Hope I never forget how it sounds when he says it.

Chicken Pox is a nasty horrible little virus

I suppose you’re all really fond of me by now. You know….Absence makes the heart grow fonder..yada yada..

I’m still here…just fell off the blogging wagon for a bit so to speak. All of my kids have recently had chicken pox. I’m not sure if it was better or worse that they didn’t get it all at the same time. It has meant that our quarantine had been longer, and I’m a bit starved for adult company and sick of the walls of this house. But, at least it wasn’t too hard going looking after them. (Except for yesterday)

E5 got it in the first week of the school holidays. Actually the first day of the holidays so that put a swift end to her sleep over and play with lots of friends plans. She had a mild dose and didn’t suffer too badly. She was such a brave girl throughout and tried so hard not to scratch. She did well…and was always a cheerful patient.

B3 got his spots exactly 18 days after his sister. He was also very brave. He was slightly worse than his sister, but still well enough to be up and playing. SO like him, he didn’t want his photo taken, so I had to sneak this.

Oh, but poor poor baby R. 2 weeks after B3, he too got the pox. This is day 2:

This is how we spent most of Thursday…in my arms with teddy. Tears and snot if I dared go to the toilet.

Cheerful moments were few and far between, but we made the most of them.

And yesterday was utterly horrible.

He was not a happy camper. Neither was I. He’d been awake until 2:30 am the night before and again at 6am and after starting his day at 8am didn’t sleep a wink until 4:30pm for about an hour. He was up until 10pm last night. Poor poor baby. So miserable. Lots of crying. I camped out in his room last night. (On The FLOOR! Yes, on the actual floor because I was oh so clever and moved the spare bed to the other room and one of the kids was sleeping on it! It wasn’t too bad really…I did have a pillow and a duvet. When I tried to leave him sleeping to sneak into my bed in the middle of the night, he woke and screamed loudly for me to stay. Grrr….how do they do that!?)

Today is not much better. He’s hopefully (fingers and toes and eyes and arms and legs crossed and holding breath and touching wood) sleeping right now. It’s been quiet in his room for about 5 minutes so far. If he does, I’m off to read a story to the big kids and try to plough my way way through the mess that has accumulated the past 2 days.

Favourite Things

I asked my kids some of their favourite things.

“Hey B3, what’s your favourite…?“

Colour? white

Food? noodles

Drink? Juice

Friend? E5

Toy? train set

Story? Thomas, Thomas and Thomas the train

Dad? Daddy

Mum? Erin

“Hey E5, what’s your favourite…?”

Colour? Rainbow

Food? Pizza

Drink? Coke

Friend? Caleb….and Corban, Annalyse and Katherine

Toy? fairies

Story? Princesses and Fairy Godmothers

Dad? Dad (giggle)

Mum? YOU!

Just a moment in time….love my kiddies.