I Have Beans

I have beans.

I’m going to spill them all over you. Well some of them at least.  Of course there are always beans I keep carefully wrapped and tucked away in no danger of being spilled. But the ones I’m going to spill are the we-are-moving-to-Australia ones.

Yep that’s right. I guess you could say I’m going home. But what a lot of thoughts that phrase conjures up. Home? There’s a whole lot that could be said about what a home is, where a home is.  It’s not a simple as that, having lived here for 11 years. My kiddies were born here, 2 of them in this house, so moving doesn’t come easily. The heart is torn, but it’s time.

I have mixed emotions about it right now. Excitement and panic in equal measures probably sums it up. The actual move is still at least 4 months away, maybe a little more. It will depend among other things on the sale of our house. We are busy at the moment of clearing it out, cleaning it up and making it ship shape for sale.

We’re getting rid of most of our stuff. And because it’s September which is both my birthday month, but also that of charity: water, I am donating the sale of our household stuff for the month of September. 100% of the funds are going towards the purchase of a drilling rig to drill more wells for clean water in Ethiopia.

For locals, you can see the stuff I’m selling here, and my campaign page for September is over here. Of course you can go ahead and donate without buying something if you want, just to make me happy, but the idea is that you get the stuff and instead of paying me for it, you donate to charity: water.

So yeah. That’s them beans.

I don't even wanna talk about this one

Frick.

Last night on Queen St, D & I walked past a man begging for money. He held a sign saying he had no income, no place to stay. We walked on, but I wanted to give so we went back. Nice one. But damn, I only gave him one fricken dollar. I had more money. Larger denominations…$100, $20 I think. It is in those very moments, at that second when you open the wallet, that is the point at which the heart is tested. Its’ truth laid bare.

I was stingy at the time it really mattered. Again. This kind of thing has happened before. I’m disappointed. Imagine the joy of giving the guy $20 to go get himself a decent dinner. Or more…what would it take for me to actually give the whole fricken lot and change our evening’s plans??

Anyway, after this we walked on, (and even in that moment there was hesitation in my step) we watched a movie, bought ourselves dinner, and slept soundly in a nice hotel. I can’t believe it. Shitty shit shit.

It was Jesus, and I didn’t see Him.

2:51am

I cannot sleep. I am tired. Irritating.

I’m too hot.

In my dozing I have been dreaming about my friends. Or maybe it’s thinking about them. I’m not sure if it’s thinking or dreaming because it feels somewhere between sleep and awake. Why can’t I get this out of my mind?

Baby wakes and feeds. I lay him back down…so sleepy that I clumsily bundle him back into his bed. It occurred to me while still half asleep, that I might have dropped him.

Then he wakes again and cries loudly about not being tucked up in the middle of our bed. I’m cross now and get up and out of my room. Which brings me now to 2:57am. And here I still am.

It was a great day really. I felt more alive than I have for a long time. And I buzzed and chattered as I do when I’m really happy. My husband always knows when I’m happy because I talk. And talk.

Happy why?

Today I visited the city mission, a drop in centre for homeless and needy people in our city. I went to help out with sorting donations of Christmas gifts.

We walked into the reception and I found myself in a confusion of people. It was noisy with voices, and I wasn’t expecting the chaotic feeling. So conspicuous in my white skin, I felt watched as we found someone in the melee who was apparently working there.

“We’re here to volunteer.” we said. The woman told us to wait. Instead of standing out we found a bench among the people waiting. They were waiting for their turn to be seen…some by a doctor, some I think queuing for food parcels, and a few gifts for their children for Christmas. As I sat I felt the press of humanity. I’ve felt it before, but not in this rich city, not in my home country. I smelled unwashed bodies and saw the despair of poverty on faces.

And it felt like heaven.

I felt close tears in the back of my eyes, but inexplicably a great joy, and it was hard to keep the smile from my face. Unbidden, the words sprang from my heart “I’ve found my place. I love it here. I will be back.” It had only taken a matter of seconds to know that this is something I loved. This is where I was meant to be. And I got the distinct impression that this is the exact kind of place Jesus would love to hang out.

We waited only a few minutes before being taken to a room full of gifts to be sorted according to age and gender. In those few minutes sitting on the edge of a bench among the crowd, I wanted to change my appearance. I wanted to change my skin and my clothes and blend in. To sit quietly and unnoticed among them. I don’t know what my persona said to them, but I wanted to say:

“Please don’t label me. I’m doing my best not to make assumptions about your need. I could be you. You could be me. Everyone has a story. Will you share your story with me? Can I share my story with you?

Could we one day laugh together?”

 

 

 

 

Large and loving hearts

“The best training for a soldier of Christ is not merely a theological college. They always seem to turn out sausages of varying lengths, tied at each end, without the glorious freedom a Christian ought to abound and rejoice in. You see, when in hand-to-hand conflict with the world and the devil, neat little biblical confectionery is like shooting lions with a pea-shooter: one needs a man who will let himself go and deliver blows right and left as hard as he can hit, trusting in the Holy Ghost. It’s experience, not preaching that hurts the devil and confounds the world. The training is not that of the schools but of the market: it’s the hot, free heart and not the balanced head that knocks the devil out. Nothing but forked-lightning Christians will count. A lost reputation is the best degree for Christ’s service. It is not so much the degree of arts that is needed, but that of hearts, loyal and true, that love not their lives to the death: large and loving hearts which seek to save the lost multitudes, rather than guard the ninety-nine well-fed sheep in the British pen.” – C. T. Studd

A friend blogged this the other day and it really rang true for me. But it got me to thinking about my heart, and it struck me that it is not large and loving, but small and atrophied from lack of use. That I talk a lot about what is right; that I’m vocal about the oprhans and the poor, but do very little about it. A casual reading here will show that I’m feeling it’s time to DO something. To get over my fear, and do something I believe in. I think that’s going to change things for me…like the whole Kingdom thing that everyone is going on about will make more sense ‘out there’ for me because it sure as heck doesn’t seem to make sense in church.

Also…it’s so easy to romanticise the care of orphans and helping the poor. Sounds so noble. Yet when I think about it, it requires great sacrifice and definitely won’t be easy. It is sometimes hard enough to love my own children when they’re being unlovely…and they are my own flesh and blood. What makes me think it will be all serene and tender to love an abandoned child? They may be unlovely at times, most likely troubled, needy, angry, hungry, sick, tired, grumpy, difficult.

I know for sure I need a bigger heart. I find myself complaining about small discomforts. I am concerned that I don’t do anything that makes me uncomfortable. I don’t do anything that is selfless. I’m greedy with my time, my space, and God help me! my money. I like to talk about generous giving, but actually…not if it’s my own housekeeping money…I want to put my family first….Selfish.

I have asked God to fill my shrivelled, selfish little heart with His love, and to lead me to what is next.

In the meantime, there’s a whole lot I can do close to home, which will get me out of my own freaking introspection and rubbing shoulders with some real people.

 

Stuff on my mind

There’s been a few things floating round in my head…

What do I do with stuff like this? (Aljazeera report on forced abortion of 8 month old baby – China) I saw this yesterday and now that I know about it, I don’t know what the heck to do with it. Sometimes I think it’d be easier to just bury my head in sand and enjoy ignorant bliss. Yes, it would be easier, but I know I wouldn’t really want to do that…but still….damn.

Also, you know how you become gradually desensitised if you watch a lot of violence on TV or whatever? Well…I reckon I’ve been re-sensitised. I burst into tears twice in two days at the dairy because of reading headlines of the paper. One was about the Pike River miners and the other about a bus accident.

And I’m reading a novel about the unwanted girl-child in India. Although it’s a fiction book, sadly the issue is far from fiction. And there is a similar problem developing in China because of the One Child policy. This leads me to think about adoption. I’ve thought a bit about adoption over the years…and I’m not sure international adoptions are the best model, though of course it’s a whole million times better than having no family at all.

I’ve been reading this blog. Paul Myhill says:

OK, so I’m quoted in Christianity Today (online and print versions) regarding the orphan crisis in Haiti and how it relates to adoption and orphanages. It’s a good article, but I need to offer a couple of clarifications:

First, I’m an adoptive parent myself (a little girl from China) and so I certainly understand that international adoption is part of the solution. I just don’t think it’s the main part. We must primarily strive to keep children in their countries of birth . . . in families. Second, the in-country solution should do just that – keep/put children in families, not institutions. If an institutional orphanage becomes the default position for children, it would be far better for those children to be adopted out internationally instead. When a “group home” is mentioned in my quote below, I’m referring to a small, family-style home of 10 or so children, raised by domestic foster/adoptive parent(s).

Ultimately, God wants to place the “lonely in families.”

We should settle for nothing less than that.

I’ve been thinking about the idea of local churches taking a bigger role in orphan care. You see…that’s what religion is supposed to be all about. . I like the idea of churches in rich countries supporting local churches in poorer nations who can care for the orphans. In Haiti, they have a working model where the local pastor organises long term care in homes for children orphaned by the earthquake. Partner churches in the US are giving financially to help this kind of work. (All the posts about Haiti orphan care are here)

There’s other completely unrelated stuff on my mind…how women dress and why, and the value of sex. Might write about them some other time. It’s 2am. I should sleep now.

 

What clean water looks like

My Un-Birthday campaign so far has raised US $350 towards charity: water. (That’s about NZ$475) All of this money will go towards drilling wells in the Central African Republic for the Bayaka people. Thanks to everyone who has contributed. Here’s what your money is doing:

It’s not too late to get involved. My campaign is running the whole of September. You can see my progress or donate here.

So far so good!

A quick update on my Un-Birthday Campaign. What’s that? Well, this September I am giving up my birthday to raise money for charity:water. They are going to use 100% of this money to drill wells to provide clean water for the Bayaka people in Central African Republic.

Who are the Bayaka?

Check out this video to learn more about these beautiful people.

So far I have raised US$205. Thank you people!! That’s enough to provide clean drinking water for 10 people. My goal is US$250 by the September 30th, so I’m sure we can exceed that. Please join in and make a difference. Click here to donate and see my progress, or help spread the word by sharing this with your peeps. Thanks!

Why Water?

It’s my birthday in September and this year I’m giving it up to raise money for water. Specifically, the money is donated to charity : water. 100% of it will be used to drill wells in Central African Republic to provide clean drinking water.

Why am I so passionate about Water?

• Because it’s fundamental to life
• Because almost 1 billion people don’t have access to clean, safe drinking water
• Because 4500 kids die daily from diseases related to water quality
• Because dirty water and lack of sanitation kills more people than war
• Because it’s the most valuable resource on the planet
• Because it’s an issue of poverty
• Because the only reason I have clean water is because I was born into privilege
• Because of that privilege I am able to share what I have
• Because safe water is a human right
• Because I can make a difference
• Because providing clean water actually saves lives

I would love it if you could join with me and together we can make an even bigger difference. My goal is to raise US$250 by the 30th September when the campaign ends. Check out my progress and donate here. (Please note the page uses US dollars)

Pssst. Pass it on! Easy buttons below.

Breaking News

I am so excited I had to interrupt myself to tell you this because my husband is asleep, and I have to tell someone.

After only 2 days of my Un-Birthday Campaign already US$175 has been donated. Thank you people! You are all so generous. This is enough to cover the costs of providing safe drinking water for 8 people.

(If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, I’m giving up my birthday to raise money to drill a well in the Central African Republic through a group called charity : water. )

Seriously this is turning out to be the best birthday ever and it’s not even my birthday yet!

My campaign will be running until September 30th, so there is still plenty of time to get involved. Let’s see what we can do!!!  Click here to donate. (Please note the form is in US dollars, so make sure you know what you are giving)

Previous Posts for more info:

• Just Like Indiana Jones But Better
• A September Birthday

Just Like Indiana Jones But Better

Yesterday I posted about my Un-Birthday this year. In short I am giving up my birthday to raise money for charity : water. They are working to provide safe drinking water in communities around the world.

This year their September Campaign 2010 (which encourages people to give up their September birthday in support) is helping the Bakaya people in the Central African Republic. They are working in partnership with Jim Hocking who has been living there since 1957.

He looks like Indiana Jones, but is a real hero, making a difference for some people who in his words are at the bottom of the pile. Here’s his story.

You can find my Un-Birthday campaign page here where I have a goal to raise US$250 towards drilling a well in the Central African Republic. We are just over 20% of the way there. Please help if you can. It doesn’t matter how much…every contribution helps. Thanks for your support! I’m so excited about this.