For those of you who use a feed reader and might have missed it, I have updated the last post with some family history if you’re at all interested.

18,050 Kiwi’s and 61,928 Aussies lost their lives in WWI. Staggering numbers but they don’t compare really to the massive losses experienced in some other nations especially when the numbers are expressed as a percentage of the population. For example The Ottoman empire (now known as Turkey) lost 13% of it’s population, a staggering 2.9 million people. (2.1 million of those were civilians.) And the Serbs suffered the loss of 16% of their population.

These numbers blow my mind and it’s scary to consider a world gone mad, and not so very long ago.  Today marks the signing of the Armistice to bring an end to the hostilities at the Western Front.

My great great Uncle, James Alfred Heading served in the AIF 45th and 47th Battalions. See here for history of the 45th Batallion and the 47th Batallion. He received a DCM (Distinguished Conduct Medal) while serving with the 47th Btn. The following is his recommendation:

“At Passchendaele Ridge (NE of Zonnebeke) on 12th October 1917. Especially good work in leading his platoon and setting a splendid example in courage and determination. All Officers of three Companies became casualties and Sgt. Heading took charge, reorganised, placed outposts out and endeavoured to connect flanks and generally displayed initiative and ability in appreciating all situations. His work was of great value to the Battalion. He carried out his duty in a praisworthy manner. “

Stretcher Bearers Passchendaele August 1917

He was also awarded a Military Medal with the 47th Btn:

“At Dernancourt 5th April 1918, when his Officer was killed he took charge of the Platoon and showed exceptional ability in the handling of same. When his flank was in danger he immediately made dispositions to meet the occasion and showed utter disregard for danger in placing  his men. When all the platoon Lewis Gunners were casualtied, he manned the gun and crawling forward to dangerous position he continued to inflict heavy casualties on the enemy until the gun was blown out. By his scouting and patrolling he gained valuable information and established complete control of “No Man’s Land”. His work during the whole operations was of an exceptionally high order.”

Australian infantry wearing Small Box Respirators (SBR). The soldiers are from the 45th Battalion, Australian 4th Division at Garter Point near Zonnebeke, Ypres sector,

My brother shared this quote with me today:

‘An Australian soldier wandered about near the German lines after the battle of Fromelles. He had been hit in the forehead and skin hung over his eyes. He was blinded and out of his mind. He would blunder around in circles, hands outstretched, then fall down. Then he would get up and stumble around again. This went on for days. The Germans eventually killed him. It is unclear whether they did this out of cussedness or kindness. This was the Great War and men did terrible things and did not always understand why they did them.’

~Les Carlyon, ‘The Great War’

War. Awful beyond words.

Lest we forget.

WWI casualties per nation

Armistice Day in New Zealand

What is Armistice Day/Rememberence Day?

Argh…I have been sick for nearly a week, and I’m starting to get grumpy about it! It started with a cold last Monday, and it has slowly turned into a nasty cough., reminiscent of the bronchitis I had when I was pregnant with B4. And because of all the jolly coughing, I seem to have damaged a muscle in my tummy because I get a very sharp searing pain down my left side when I cough. It’s really starting to tick me off!

I hardly ever get sick and when I do I normally recover quite fast. I guess the pregnancy is taking it’s toll and I have less resistance than normal. I have rested and rested and rested and still coughing! I read a whole novel yesterday, which was nice, but I really wanna start living again! It makes me pity pregnant women who are placed on bed rest for long periods of time. They must go nearly insane.

It’s such a busy week coming up too…it’s E’s birthday tomorrow…she will be 7, and B’s birthday on Friday. He will be 5. We are having a party for them both on Saturday, so I’d better be better soon.  I forced myself to go out yesterday to buy E’s present and found myself hot and sweaty and short of breath just walking around the shop for 10 minutes. Grabbed the present and came home as soon as I could.

I’m supposed to be working today too. It was scheduled for yesterday but D made me do a shift swap with a colleague on account of E’s birthday. Fair enough, but now I feel like I can’t call in sick because I requested to work this shift! Arrrggghhh! It would have been easier to take tomorrow off because I could go to the doctor tomorrow and get a sick certificate. To get one today is a mission because it’s Sunday and expensive.

How do you like the timing of my carry on after yesterdays’ quote from Shaw? Appropriate huh? Hahhahaha

“This is the true joy in life – being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances complaining that the world will not devote itself to making you happy.”

~George Bernard Shaw

I have a dear friend who is moving away to India with her husband and 6 children. They live fairly close to us and are also homeschooling. My children have become friends with their youngest and love to play together. As we don’t have family in this country I feel like they have become cousins.

I am so excited for them as they go to India because it’s something that’s been on their hearts for years and I know that it’s going to be amazing as they go and live the lives God has for them, but at the same time I’m feeling so sad. They have been such good friends to us. So kind and generous and have helped us with our marriage and parenting and I feel kind of mad at God for taking them away. I want to be selfish and have a nice cosy life with my friends around the corner!

I know our kids are going to miss them so much too, and I’m already anticipating a big hole in our lives. I hope they can understand the bigger picture when it’s time to say goodbye and that knowing why they are leaving will help them adjust.

It is such a mixture of emotion because ever since my teens I kind of knew this kind of thing would happen. I have always felt passionate about the nations in the sense that I believe the Gospel is for every nation and over the past 15 years or more I have felt a growing compassion for the poor in other nations and also a dissatisfaction with first world suburbia. I remember growing up that I freaked out at the thought of settling down close to the family home and just having a house and a couple of kids. D and I started our own marriage and family by moving far away from both our families. (Not for the purpose of moving away from our families, which has been incredibly painful and hard, but because there was more for us in this big wide world than our local towns)  I knew that if I let this grow in my heart it would mean painful goodbyes and also, it has become natural that my closest friends also have a heart to go someday.

But it still sucks.

They are listing their home for sale today in anticipation of the big move and it’s really hitting home the reality that they are actually going. If I’m feeling emotional about it I daresay they feel like their hearts are tearing in two. I’m not looking forward to the day we do the same but at the same time part of me cannot wait! What a crazy conflict.

Secretly (and now in the most public of forums – on the internet hehehe) I hope that we will meet up with them again somewhere, somehow. I feel like it’s been a God given friendship and we are like minded in so many ways. We both have a heart for the motherless children and ….well who knows? I don’t know…I wish I did.

They have an amazing story actually of how it is all falling into place as they get ready to leave. You can read about it all on Jodi’s blog called Yatra to India. I recommend going back to the first posts as she shares how God has clearly spoken over the years. (Not in a ‘voices in my head‘ kinda way so don’t be freaked out.)

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society – Mary Ann Schaeffer and Annie Barrows

I recently finished reading this book, after seeing it reviewed online quite a bit. I liked the idea of it being entirely based on letters, and that it was a book lovers book being about a Literary Society. I also liked the title.

The story begins in London after the war and is about an writer, Juliet Ashton who is trying to come up with an idea for her next project. She is short on ideas, but around the same time starts to correspond quite by accident with some residents of the English channel Island of Guernsey. Their correspondence forms the plot of the book, and through it we learn about the little known German occupation of these British territories for 5 years during WW2. We learn about the struggles and horrors of the occupation but also the friendships and endurance of the Islanders during those years.

Eventually Juliet Ashton goes to Guernsey to meet these Islanders whose stories she becomes fascinated with as they are revealed through their letters. Her visit to Guernsey changes her life.

A surprisingly light story given the subject, there is plenty of humour, quirky characters, and even love. I really enjoyed this book.

Bono’s NAACP* Speech

I saw this video on facebook the other day and I can’t get it out of my mind. I tried to comment on my friends page when I first saw it and typed about 17 responses but I’m always worried about coming across too strong, especially when it comes to things I’m passionate about.

It’s no secret here on my blog that I’m passionate about poverty and us in the west opening our eyes to how the rest of the world lives. I don’t think the comment space was big enough for my response to this video, and so I am going to go on about it here. Aren’t you lucky?

Also, I’m rather tired of not speaking my mind fully and here is a good place to practice. You see at least here this is my blog and I can say what I like!

Here are some of my initial unfiltered responses to this video:

1. I love this man!

2. Oh my gosh, he has a handle on our Christian faith better than most of the church.

3. Oh God help us! Change our hearts.

4. Aren’t you glad the religious church never got hold of this man?

5. This is a prophetic voice to our generation and so central to the Kingdom of  God and we really better not miss it! I get so frustrated with the church’s lack of concern for the poor.

6. I WANNA GO!

7. Let’s not just watch and applaud Bono’s inspirational, emotional, and crowd pleasing speech. I find it hard to understand that a person can be moved with compassion about a person’s suffering but then move on having done nothing about it.  Let’s stop and think (and/or pray) for a few minutes and then DO something about it. Even if it’s a small thing. It’s better than nothing. I wonder how many of those people who gave a standing ovation acutally went off and DID something about extreme poverty, the AIDS crisis in Africa, or helped save a child from dying of malaria? Hopefully many of them.

8. I absolutely love to see people who are themselves and doing what they are created to do.

9. Western Christianity has become far too theoretical and cerebral and far too little practical is done. Where are those who rage against injustice?

10. So what are we gonna DO about it?

*National Association for the Advancement of Coloured People.

I have a lovely new midwife. I met her yesterday and I am so relieved. She is quite happy to take a hands off approach to the birth if all is well. Sigh…an issue resolved. Looking forward to a lovely home birth of this little boy. I feel so lucky.

WARNING: I tried, but couldn’t cut a long story short. This is the long version. Also be aware that I am whinging and grumbling about somewhat insignificant things in the grand scheme of things and that while I usually try not to sweat the small stuff, right now I am a pregnant woman! Don’t mess with me!

Just returned from a midwife appointment this morning and feeling a little unsettled about how things are going. But first a bit of background.

Here in NZ expectant mothers choose a Lead Maternity Carer who takes care of them during the pregnancy, delivers the baby and also provides post-natal care. For the majority of women, a midwife takes the role of the LMC. There are a few GP’s who still deliver, but not many. For women with high risk pregnancies, or medical conditions they may choose an obstetrician to be their LMC. (Actually anyone can if you’re willing to pay for it….the government only pays for an Ob. if you need one.) All maternity care in the public system in NZ is free, including all the pre- and post-natal care, the delivery, and hospital stay.

Anyway….so I have a new midwife this time around. I was pretty happy with the midwife who delivered R2, but felt like she was a hospital midwife who delivered at home sometimes, and there were some aspects that felt rushed, and not as relaxed as I’d have liked. Maybe I’m being a bit picky, but this time I thought I would choose a midwife who prefers home birth deliveries, and has a home birth philosophy.

On the recommendation of a good friend, I phoned the lady who had delivered her last two children at home. I remember her saying “You’d like Debbie, when she came to our births, you hardly knew she was there” and that’s just what I wanted. Someone who was there in case we needed help, but not interfering or making a fuss. Unfortunatlely when I phoned I found out that the lovely Debbie is away overseas until mid January when I’m due, so I made an appointment with another midwife at the same practice.

To protect her identity, (because I’m about to have a rant about her hehehe) let’s call her A. I’ve seen her three times now. Once at 9 weeks pregnant, once at 15 weeks and now today at 21 weeks. At the very first appointment I raised with her that I had some questions surrounding the due date because an early scan caused some confusion and there seemed to be a discrepancy. I know that the best time to date a pregnancy is early so I raised it then in case she wanted to get another dating scan done to be sure. But, she told me that we should go by my dates (which were not certain but pretty sure as my cycles are regular) and that she didn’t place much too much credit on ultrasound scans. That was fine with me because I was sure they’d made a mistake. (It was impossible that first scan should say 5 weeks and second scan 18 days later showed 6weeks 4 days….the baby was/is fine, so one of the scans was clearly not accurate. I reckon it was the second one (which showed a heartbeat) and it was so quick….literally on the table for about 30 seconds and all round bad service – But that is another story!) We decided on an estimated date of delivery (EDD) of 17/1/10, based on my dates.

Anyway, all was fine and then I saw her again at 15 weeks and the first thing she said to be was “Now, I have received an ultrasound report for you and I have some concern about your due date.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing after that was the exact issue we had discussed at our previous appointment and she said she wasn’t too concerned about scans! So we went over my dates again and she decided to go with the scan EDD which was quite a bit later at 28/1/10. (11 days from the other EDD) I didn’t really believe it was accurate, but I kinda went along, not wanting to be a trouble maker. I came home feeling frustrated because I felt like she hadn’t listened to me the first time, as well as being double minded about her own practice and which method of dating she had most confidence in.

So we had the anatomy scan last week and all is well so far which is something I am truly grateful for. Anyway….the sonographers measurements put me at 20 weeks and 4 days at the time of the scan (with a margin for error of 1week either way), which is exactly where I date the pregnancy and gives me the original due date of 17/1/10. So today at the appointment we go over the whole thing AGAIN! I tried to point out that it would be impossible for the second early scan to be correct because it would mean that I had a positive pregnancy test at 7 days after conception. Anyway…I told her I was more convinced of the earlier EDD and would prefer to go with that and I explained why. She got confused about whether we were counting from conception or last menstrual period and in the end asked me if I was a mathematician! I said no, but I wasn’t happy with an 11 day discrepancy in due dates as this could have ramifications if I am very overdue or if baby comes early and they don’t want me to birth at home. The atmosphere was slightly uncomfortable but I told her I was frustrated that there was this ongoing issue because I felt like she hadn’t listened to my concerns way back when I was 9 weeks pregnant, when we could have resolved it. She apologised and we moved on deciding to settle on the earlier date and to keep the second one in mind.

There are a few other minor concerns that added to this one make me uncomfortable with the idea of her attending the birth. I don’t feel like we have a good rapport, that she’s a bit scatterbrained and forgets stuff. (What if she forgets our discussion about not breaking my waters, or other interventions? I really won’t feel like discussing it again on the big day!) She hasn’t even listened to the fetal heart yet. It doesn’t bother me too much because I can feel baby moving around all the time and the scan last week showed a perfect little four chambered heart etc. but still….it makes me unsure of how confident she is at assessing a fetal heart beat?

So, it’s been bugging me for a while that I just don’t have confidence in this lady and this morning in the shower I gave myself and ultimatum…..if it doesn’t go well today then I’ll try to find another midwife. So… now I’m pretty sure I’ll have to try to find another one. It’s not going to be easy this far along….most midwives are booked up very quickly and people usually book a midwife as soon as you find out you’re pregnant. I will probably go back to try the lady who delivered R2 and hope she’ll have me.

But actually. I really don’t want anyone to do anything. I just want to be left alone and get on with it. Part of me wishes it was like the old days when the midwife was and aunty or sister or mother who had some experience. Not because I don’t value professional care, but because I want someone who know’s me and won’t try to speed things up just so they can get to their appointments on time. I would be quite happy for a midwife to come and just sit drinking tea in another room, check the fetal heart from time to time if I wanted it, and who could step in to help in case of trouble. I wonder if I’ll find anyone who agrees with me? I’m vaguely tempted to have an unassisted birth…????

OK. I’m done. Rant over. Now hubby won’t have to listen to it again I feel better now.

Spring is in the air today and it’s just the weather to get into the garden. We are going to start a butterfly garden because E6 is wanting to learn all about butterflies this term. A friend gave me some Milkweed seeds (which the caterpillars eat) and some wildflowers (which produce nectar for the butterflies) so today we did some planting. No photos yet because I’m too lazy to upload them…

Oh my gosh I an loving the sun today! So glad winter is coming to an end. I really do love warm sunny days and a blue sky always puts me in a good mood.

Baby in utero is doing fine… growing nicely and kicking around from time to time. I am 17 weeks or so along. What’s that…23 weeks to go! Seems like forever and how much can a body morph in 23 weeks? A heck of a lot actually! I’m so glad the morning sickness phase is over. Right now is a lovley pregnant time for me. I’m neither sick nor the size of a house, so the discomforts are kept to a minimum at the moment. Just little annoyances like my being unable to button my jeans so they are always falling down, but not quite ready for the maternity pants. ehehe

The children are still fascinated by the whole pregnant thing and we’ve had interesting discussions about all sorts of things like where my food goes…”Does it go straight into the baby’s tummy mum?’ It was quite cool being able to explain to the all about the placenta and the umbilical cord and the amazingness of foetal circulation! Love it! Fourth time around and I still find the whole thing fascinating!