A heavy heart and swirly brain

Don’t have a clue what to write…received some bad news yesterday and am still in shock. I’ve posted about it but kept it private for now cause the family is still reeling. I hate being so far away from family at times like this.

Strangely, the past month or two I have been regularly thinking that I must get my passport in order as it has expired.  When the call came yesterday, it was the first thing I thought of…that I didn’t have a passport. I think I may have to go over there in the next ?? I dunno when…weeks, months? and offer support to my Mum and Dad.

I often don’t think of my family as being particularly close…well, my relation to it I suppose. But there are bonds that exist and need to be strengthened in a crisis. I still don’t know what to do if anything. I have walked around in a zombie like state for the last two days. I keep telling E4 not to talk to me too much simply because I can’t concentrate on her long detailed chatter and constant interruptions when I’m inside my head thinking. Poor kid. I keep telling her to leave me alone. I’ve managed the washing and little else. I’m not emotional about it….strangely detatched, but the distance from the situation does that I suppose. I am worried though. And stressed because I’m tired and overwhelmed by decisions to be made, and the car needs fixing, I need to renew my passport, apply for one for R7months, and I have work outstanding.

I feel like I desperately need some space. Some time at home alone to sort it out in my head, to work through the mundane tasks that need to be done.

I drag myself away now (from where I am trying to hide here inside my head alone with my thought) to make some dinner for my hungry kids who have been watching DVD’s all afternoon. I feel guilty that they’ve been largely ignored today, and that they are getting macaroni cheese for dinner.


7 thoughts on “A heavy heart and swirly brain

  1. I’m not certain what you are going through but I am praying for you and your family. Sending big hugs your way.

    Much love, xoxo-pm

  2. i feel strange, cos i’m still only Virtual, but i’m sending you peace and huge love. and the thought that macaroni cheese is still a fabulous dinner, nourishing comfort food for the soul X

  3. 4 things to encourage you with today…

    1). I am praying for you, the situation and all involved
    2). Maccaroni and cheese is a dish sent down from Heaven
    3). DVD’s are from God
    4). Your children STILL love you!!

  4. Aww. thanks Tam. Your prayers are really appreciated. And, you’re right….the awsome thing about kids is that they really don’t seem to mind. (E4 would actually have macaroni cheese everynight if I let her.)

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