Don’t have a clue what to write…received some bad news yesterday and am still in shock. I’ve posted about it but kept it private for now cause the family is still reeling. I hate being so far away from family at times like this.
Strangely, the past month or two I have been regularly thinking that I must get my passport in order as it has expired. When the call came yesterday, it was the first thing I thought of…that I didn’t have a passport. I think I may have to go over there in the next ?? I dunno when…weeks, months? and offer support to my Mum and Dad.
I often don’t think of my family as being particularly close…well, my relation to it I suppose. But there are bonds that exist and need to be strengthened in a crisis. I still don’t know what to do if anything. I have walked around in a zombie like state for the last two days. I keep telling E4 not to talk to me too much simply because I can’t concentrate on her long detailed chatter and constant interruptions when I’m inside my head thinking. Poor kid. I keep telling her to leave me alone. I’ve managed the washing and little else. I’m not emotional about it….strangely detatched, but the distance from the situation does that I suppose. I am worried though. And stressed because I’m tired and overwhelmed by decisions to be made, and the car needs fixing, I need to renew my passport, apply for one for R7months, and I have work outstanding.
I feel like I desperately need some space. Some time at home alone to sort it out in my head, to work through the mundane tasks that need to be done.
I drag myself away now (from where I am trying to hide here inside my head alone with my thought) to make some dinner for my hungry kids who have been watching DVD’s all afternoon. I feel guilty that they’ve been largely ignored today, and that they are getting macaroni cheese for dinner.