Nil illegitimus carborundum

So, I am dealing with a painful situation that seems hopeless. It’s something that I want to fix, but it would take a lifetime of do-overs. It a complete mess. A tangle of mistakes and hurt, mistrust, disappointment, lies. Lots and lots of yucky stuff.  But I know there is nothing at all I can really do to make it right.

This situation, this relationship, this pain is completely outside my comprehension. I can’t explain it or reconcile it with my understanding of God or the world, or life and how it works. I just can’t process it. I don’t understand. I want to shake my head and say “ doesn’t fit”. It doesn’t fit with any belief. I have nothing to hold on to for this one.

It’s a big one. If anything is going to change it is going to take a miracle. Like an actual supernatural event.

Do I have the courage to believe for a miracle? To hope against hope. I feel like my heart is weak and afraid to believe. I would rather take the easy road of the status quo. But I KNOW I don’t want to let my life be ruled by fear. I KNOW that great things, great loves require great risk.

So. Pray. And hope.

Please God, do something.

And in the meantime:  Nil illegitimus carborundum

“Don’t let the bastards get you down.”

(Don’t ask me why. I just saw that phrase in Latin and liked it. It made me laugh. And I reckon everyone should use a little Latin every now and then.)



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