I have been feeling unravelled again in terms of my beliefs. In fact yesterday I wrote this:
What’s with the unravelling? Was there a couple of dropped stitches? Do you have to undo the whole me and start all over again?
Honestly, I feel like a cosy old jumper that someone has picked up from an op shop. They have snipped one tiny piece and have begun to unravel me row by row by row. My faith (or was it?), my beliefs, my tidy predictable set of rules and principles are slowly piling up on the floor in a tangle stringy wobbly jumble.
I’m questioning various things that most people would consider fundamental (appropriate choice of word) to the Christian faith. I’m asking questions about God, His love, His justice, God as a father. Questions about salvation, and sin and the human condition. And big questions about eternity: How do our decisions now effect eternity? What about hell? Is hell real? Is hell consistent with a loving God? Wasn’t Jesus work big enough? Didn’t he say “It is finished?”
I’m just not happy with the inconsistencies in my theology. Some people say I think too much, but I’m just not willing to avoid the difficult questions! I can’t just ignore it and pretend everything is fine. I just want truth!
Our western mindset has made God so small. The gospel preached to me most of my life seems almost good, but not quite good enough. Not quite powerful enough. You see….the one problem with our gospel is that if a person doesn’t want to believe it, doesn’t understand it, is afraid or hurt, or God help them they didn’t even get to hear it before they die, well then the love of God just isn’t quite big enough to save them. Gee..sorry. Tough luck. Eternal fire. Eternal separation from God (hmm….so God isn’t omnipresent? Or is He?)
Today I listened to this talk by Bruce Wauchope. There are several parts to it which undoes a whole lot of Greek philosophy that creates so much confusion around the Gospel. Talk about a mind smash. I’m going to listen to it again. He goes some of the way in addressing some of these inconsistencies.